the whole audience and actors in the Bell Savage play-house, as they were profanely acting the story of Doctor Faustus, to the terror and amazement of all the spectators, and the throwing some of them into a state of distraction*. I most sincerely wish that Satan would renew his frolics, and appear once more, in propria persona, on our stages; but particularly at the opera-house, amongst those wicked and immodest dancers, that they might all be seized with distraction for, I much fear, nothing else will prevent a continuation of their immoral and indecent gestures: and that wicked jade Mademoiselle Parisot would meet with no more than her deserts, if he were to give her ten or a dozen hearty smacks with his tail, to make her remember those

* Vide Hist. Mastin. p. 556.

attitudes, so repugnant to modesty, which she so wantonly displays. This is my most devout wish; though it is rather unreasonable to expect that the clovenfooted gentleman will act in such direct opposition to his best interests as to comply with it. He will, I apprehend, leave matters as they are, and I must proceed in my honest endeavours to root out the evil as well as I can, without such an able assistant.

CHAPTER II.

Advice to the lovely Cyprians, and Fair Sex in general, how to conduct themselves in future, and to practise with greater satisfaction the three cardinal virtues, namely, Drinking, Gaming, and Intriguing.

I

AM perfectly convinced of the defects that prevail in the education of the loveliest part of the creation: but, however desirous I may be to correct them, and point out the errors in which they are brought up, I am convinced that it never will be in my power; for, were I to write a treatise on female education, founded on the purest principles of virtue, morality and religion, which would cer

tainly be my object and endeavour; yet, if it were not announced under the sanc→ tion of some eminent divine, I do not believe that there is a mother in England who would permit their daughters to read it nor is there a boarding-school in or round about London, or elsewhere, in which the mistress would not sooner admit any of the modern lascivious novels, than a Treatise on the Improvement of Female Education, by Colonel George Hanger; so true is the proverb, " Give a dog a bad name, and you may as well hang him." But I, ye lovely fair, mind not what your mothers say or think of me; for those censorious antiquated beldams are only, like the dog in the manger, envious of your more youthful charms. They wish, by depreciating the character of any man who so truly adores the sex as I do, to deter you from enjoying those

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those pleasures which they themselves wish for; and sure I am, that they would rather see a total decay of the Arts and Sciences, than be excluded a share in the patronage. When hunted by bailiffs, the blood-hounds of unrelenting usurers, and their more rapacious attornies; how often have I secreted myself in the house of some fair one, or with her fled the town, to some distant scene of freedom and security! When I have experienced that balm to a distracted mind which female converse only can impart, although oppressed by anxious care, and sinful poverty (that worst of crimes), give me but health, and the affections of some kind sympathising fair one, and I will oppose a sea of troubles. Oh woman! all care relieving woman! thou art the true physician to the sickly mind: a Warren or a Jebb