hated myself, mourned over my wretchedness, and groaned out my soul as well as I could, no eye seeing me! Yet it did not seem to me at the time that I was seeking after God as the only Object to make me now, as well as eternally, happy. 66 Whilst I was sitting thus solitary alone, three ladies and a gentleman came along, and the man looking at me said, "Do you know the Lord?" I stayed a moment, and said, “I trust I know something of myself, of my utter ruin, and what a helpless, guilty, shameful sinner I am; not that I live in sin, but my heart is a cage full of unclean birds; and I was just now groaning under it." The man stared, called out to the ladies, and said, Here is one of the Lord's children." They came back, and began to hold out their hands; but I said, "Do not mistake me; I am living to prove this world to be a wilderness, and it is my wicked heart which causes the world and the things that are in it, to be that which God has said-full of wickedness. Has the Lord," I asked, ever applied his holy law to your consciences? because I believe all the Lord's children pass under the bond of the law before they are manifested as the Lord's. Talking about being the Lord's is an easy thing when trouble is at a distance; but," I said, “there is a deal of difference between talking and feeling, faith and presumption. Perhaps another day you may know what unbelief and pressing difficulties are when they come upon you, and your fair hopes may then fade." I told them I had just been reading Job x. Somehow or other it quite set my tongue at liberty to talk to these persons; and I found out afterwards that they were all "Brethren,” They invited me very strongly to come to their gathering at Malvern, as, they said, “there were many Christians now in the village.' But I told them I was forced, like Hezekiah, to turn my face to the wall and look away from every natural help, and cry to Him who alone could deliver and preserve me from the things which I feared were coming upon me. Malvern, Sept. 9, 1846. J. P. II. My dear Friend,-As we are about to leave this place for home to-morrow, if spared, I cannot suffer the day to pass over without informing you of a little of the Lord's goodness and mercy to my soul since I have been here. He has sweetly condescended to fulfil one of his most gracious promises in me, a poor guilty worm, in hearing the cry of the poor and needy; and base and corrupt as I am, the Lord has been a very present help to me in time of trouble. The two first weeks I was here, none but God himself and my own soul know the gloomy forebodings of my mind, feeling so poorly, fearing the Lord was bringing down my tabernacle into the dust, and thinking perhaps it might not be long before it crumbled there. A deep sense of my want of clearer evidences of a work of grace upon my soul, added greatly to the burdens and exercises of my troubled heart. I could see that almost every one around me appeared to be happy and cheerful, and all seeking their own, but not the things that are Christ's, whilst I could enjoy nothing. I tried to go sighing and groaning along, through the darkness of my mind, for the want of the blessed Comforter. I do not wish to bind and burden your mind with one half of the thoughts and anxieties that harassed me; yet I know well, that you are not a stranger to these burdens and exercises of heart, because you have been passing through them for many years, and therefore can bear with me. I am sure there is nothing like trouble to teach us feelingly to sympathise with the Lord's poor and afflicted people. At times, since I have been here, I have in sincerity felt willing to lose everything that was dear to me and desirable to the flesh, provided the Lord would be pleased to reveal himself to my soul, and bless me with his presence and smiles. I have also thought that I could give up everything for one moment's enjoyment of him, and yet had no power whatever given me to lay hold of him. Sometimes for a day or two, I have been favoured with a little access to the mercy-seat in prayer, and seemed a little able to pour out my complaints before the Lord, that he would be pleased to undertake for me; but no sooner have I risen from my knees than I have returned to my own place, and found to my sorrow that in my flesh dwelleth no good thing. I have tried sometimes to content myself with what the all-wise Jehovah had designed for me, and leave my burdens and difficulties with him; but have found I could not do the things that I would. I really felt at times as if I must go to hell. And O, what shrinkings from death did I feel and pass through! I could not persuade myself that there was no eternity, for I knew there was one; and if Jesus had not shed his precious blood for me, if I were not accepted in him, I sensibly felt that I could not escape the damnation of hell. I could do nothing, had nothing to cleave to but his atonement, and yet from that I could get no comfort. I tried to look back upon a testimony which I thought had relieved my mind in May last, that "it would be well with me in the end." But nothing from this could satisfy me that I was not a deceived character even then. I felt there was nothing for my guilty and polluted soul to rest the sole of its foot upon. Last Lord's day, in particular, was a gloomy and heavy day with me; completely shut up in the fetters of unbelief, I could not read the word of God without viewing the Saviour of the lost as my angry Judge to destroy, instead of to save all that come unto God by him. I think of all places I was ever in, this is one of the darkest corners of the earth; and therefore, as to going anywhere in these parts to hear anything like truth preached, it was quite out of the question. Before I went to bed in the evening, I read the 88th Psalm, and saw my own feelings there described, but still could get no comfort from it whatever. At the bedside I tried to entreat the Lord to manifest himself to me if it was his blessed will, and still had not sufficient faith to believe he would. After I had been in bed about an hour, such a violent pain seized me in the lower part of my bowels, that I surely thought it was inflammation, and die I must. The agony of my body and soul I can never describe, and I feared I 66 should sink under its power. I lay in this condition for about two hours, begging and praying the Lord to spare me, and not to take me out of the world without some hope of my interest in his mercy. I also begged and entreated the Lord to give me strength, to enable me to bear the pain without disturbing the whole house, and that he would be pleased just to give me some little encouragement to hope in his name. O Lord, I am oppressed, undertake for me! O do not take me out of the world without appearing for me. O Lord, how can I die unless thou art with me? Do speak one word to my soul's comfort; do enter my heart with some portion of thy own word to cause me to hope in thy dear Son Jesus!" I really thought and believed that I was taken for death; and O! the restlessness, and fearful forebodings of what was coming upon me, I dare not utter. No stay or help whatever was there, but I must turn my face to the wall, and look away from everything and every one; and I said, O Lord, have mercy on my soul; undertake for me, or I must die eternally, without hope." I was nearly in despair, when the Lord condescended to apply these soft and sweet words to my heart: "I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.' 'Tis well with thee while life endures, And well when called to die."" O my blessed Lord," I said, "thou hast delivered my soul from the lowest pit; thou hast heard the cry of the prisoner, and hast preserved him that was appointed to die." My heart began to melt with contrition, love, and gratitude. A flood of tears began running down my face almost in torrents. If these could not have flowed, my heart seemed as if it would have burst in my body. "O Lord," I said, "thou art my God, and I will praise thee. What shall I render unto thee, O Lord, for having revealed such great love to my soul, as to assure me thou wilt never leave me nor forsake me? The Lord is my God; he has promised me never to leave me. O the love and praise which my soul was again filled with! These words then dropped into my soul with such sweetness that I never can describe to any one: If the Son make you free, then are ye free indeed." O my blessed, glorious Jesus!" I cried, "through thy precious suffering, through thy glorious holiness and matchless righteousness, I, a poor, guilty, filthy, vile, base, helldeserving sinner, am made to be all fair and glorious in thy sight." I felt myself to be holy in his holiness, and righteous in his righteousness. O the vital faith, and the love I had in this most precious Jesus! I did forget my poverty, and remembered my misery no more. O, blessed Saviour, I do not deserve it-I do not deserve it," I kept saying. "O let me never sin against thee any more!' 'Jesus, thou art my chiefest good, 66 For thou hast saved me by thy blood; O the humblings of my soul under his mighty hand which I then felt! I could enter most fully into those words of the blessed Lord: Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free; and if the Son make you free, then are ye free indeed." 66 This was what my soul had been groaning for under my cruel bondage, and this was the only thing that would do for one under my racked and tortured feelings. I knew what bondage indeed was, but did not find it so easy a thing to get at freedom indeed, till this sweet application of it entered my heart by the blessed testimony and witness of God's most blessed and Holy Spirit. After a time my wife came down into my room, fearing how it was with me, asking me how I was now. At first I could not speak for tears. At last I said. “It is all right now between God and my soul; the Lord has sweetly assured me that he will never leave me nor forsake me.' Oh, think of the love of the Lord Jesus to me, a poor sinner! It is like the dew of Hermon, even life for evermore. 0," I said, "what sweet company I have had this night! It will be a night ever to be remembered." We sat and wept together. "Never till now," I said, "could I say these words, My Lord and my God;' but now I can say most feelingly, My Jesus has done all things well.'" The pain had greatly abated, and here I lay all night without any sleep whatever. After thanking and blessing God for what he had done for my soul that night at Malvern, I said, "Blessed Lord, thou knowest this is what I have been waiting for at times these last seventeen years, and to think it should have come at this unexpected time, it seems too great a mercy and favour." Indeed, it came into my mind in the night, that it was just that day seventeen years that I was baptized, viz. September 20th, 1829. 66 My dear friend, I know you feel a concern for my eternal welfare, and will be pleased to hear what the Lord has done for me. May the Lord keep me from ever getting entangled with the world, so as to cause my dear Redeemer to hide his face from me again. I was going to tell you that at a quarter before six, the servant came into my room. I said to him, trying to avoid his seeing my face, “I have been very bad to-night with a pain in the lower part of my bowels." After hesitating about a minute (the words came out before I was hardly aware whom I was speaking to) I said, but if I had died I should have gone to heaven. The Lord has told me so to-night; but it is what I have been praying to know for the last seventeen years." What reply the man made I really do not know, for I was so deaf at the time that I could scarcely hear anything at all; but this morning the man said to me, "I am very sorry to hear you are going away so soon. I thought so very much of you that morning; your face was so swollen, that if I had seen master, I should have told him of it." I replied by asking him what my sufferings that night were, compared to suffering in eternity? The poor fellow seemed to have a natural feeling, if nothing else. All the day, Monday, I scarcely dared to speak of it,. my body was so weak from the feelings altogether. May the Father of mercies and God of all grace bless your soul and mine with the light of his countenance again and again! With much love and affection, I am, my dear friend, yours affectionately, Malvern, September 25th, 1846. J. P. III. My dear Friend,-I had heard of the Lord's merciful and gracious dealings with your soul on the 20th, but I did not see the account till Saturday last. It did my soul good to read it. It drew tears from my eyes, and caused me to bless God for his goodness and mercy towards you. Many things that you particularly mention I could understand, from the blessed feelings I had when the Lord delivered my soul in January, 1843. You were brought low, and the Lord in mercy delivered you. You could truly say, "I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy, for thou hast considered my trouble. Thou hast known my soul in adversities; and hast not shut me up in the hand of the enemy. Thou hast set my feet in a large room." And also you could join with David in singing, "Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing; thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness, to the end that my tongue might sing praise to thee, and not be silent." What a change of feelings you experienced from the state you were in on the 6th, when the Lord turned your captivity and set your soul at happy liberty on the 20th! In your letter to me on the 9th of September you gave me a very mournful account of your state. I felt for you, and hoped some good would come out of it; at the same time I considered you in a better and more hopeful state than the Plymouth Brethren that came to talk to you, and were on such good terms with themselves. They were poor comforters; they did not understand your case any better than Job's friends did his. You will recollect sitting heavily burdened talking with them, reading the 10th chapter of Job, and thinking you had no more religion than the dark and ignorant Bishop of Lpreaching at Malvern; and you will recollect the Lord's bringing you out of such a dungeon, and putting a new song into your mouth, which is praise to his name: 66 "Now will I tell to sinners round What a dear Saviour I have found." My soul shall make her boast in the Lord; the humble shall hear thereof and be glad ;" and "Magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together. I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears." When the Lord so favours and blesses the soul as to break the heart with his manifested lovingkindness, if one so favoured and blessed did not praise his name, the very stones would cry out. "Law and terrors do but harden When the heart is dissolved with that precious love, how the tears do flow! I was surprised. I never shed so many before or since, at one time. As you tried to hide your face from the man in the morning, I remember that I tried to hide my face from |