Mr. (Handing the fugar bafin.)-Well, ma'am, if you don't like it, you may lump it. [Mifs Lucy plays on the piano forte, but is to fail in her fit attempt.] Mrs. (As planned.)-That comes of playing at fight. Mr. Ar fight! Why what the deuce would come if he was to thut her eyes? If any thing like ferious or fenfible converfation fhould be introduced, and there's no knowing what fome dull fellow may not do, put an end to it at once, with a pun. If he talks of war, fuppofe he means the Pun-ic war, and fay that in your battles you are with Livy PunEtim magis quam cæfim peto hoftem.' If he speaks of the army, look archly at your wife, and fay you expect foon to have a fon in arms, &c. Now fomething about going into Bedford shire and the land of Nid will wind up what is commonly called a very N 0 T E. • Here I have run my pencil through several puns on the ladies' retiring. Though he fays it is unneceffary. Swift could not help indulging the natural bent of his genius, which is a strong proof of the au thenticity of the MS. An additional evidence appears in a query in a memorandum made on the margin of this MS. for the puns for a farmer. Some one, who has rye fields, is to write to him-pray fend me men to mow rye; and he is to return a fkull. Memento mori-Don't you fee? but query-will mowing rye do for any but our Irijh farmers ? O'Nick. pleasant day, full of wit, humour, and repartee. I must not forget to obferve, that, if you can add any practical jokes, which lead to puns, and fall at all short of murder, the treat will be infinitely improved. Viz. Pinch a piece out of a man's arm, to fay you did not know there was any harm. Break his fhinthat's leg-al. Pull away his chair when he is fitting down-you've good ground for it. Run your head against his-two heads are better than one. Overturn the milk jug on him- then he's in the milky way. So with the urn-then he's in hot water. When he hops about, fay he's in a lame-ntable way. Let the boys knock the candle into fome la dy's lap-this you may call a wicked thing, &c. &c. Interfperfe thefe, and other fuch amiable pleafantries as thefe, 'and all the fools, (a commanding majority in every affembly, in the country), will fhout for joy, extor your wit, and applaud your ingenuity. Dialogue betwixt Somebody and Nobody. Somebody. WHY, 'tis as hard to get a fight of you, mr. Nobody, as it is of the invifible girl. I have called twenty times a day at your house. Nobody at home, is the constant anfwer. If I fhould go to church, however, I am fure to meet with Nobody there, especially when dr, Tripplechin preaches. N 0 T E. * Memorandum. This joke is recommended, by the furgeons, for all feasons, but, in my fyftem, better arranged, it will be proper to diftinguish. In the winter, when the carpet's down, you are glad to bring that affair on the tapis. In the spring, the earth begins to bear every thing. In the fummer, it's fummum jus,' because its fumma injuria,' and the carpet being up, you give him board with a deal of pleature, that's plain: and in the autumn, you alhrde to the fall. Befides what does he de in a chair-all flesh is grafshay! Nobody. a Somebody. But what does genea logy, in these degenerate days? Get your nativity calt in the mint thousand guineas in your purfe is worth all the As, Macs, and O's in the united kingdom. If there's a ftain in your character, a little goldduft will take it out-the beft fuller's earth in the nation. What does it avail, that your ancestors bled in the front of battle, piled up thunder for the infulting foe, or diffufed the ftream of science through a thoufand channels! don't you fee the upftart hung round with titles, and the obfcurity of his birth loft in the glare of his fideboard. his head; they have fed him with the foft pap of flattery, they have inflated him with the gas of vanity to the fize of an air-balloon, and yet withal they cannot manufacture a genealogy fo as to please him: his father was Nobody. Nobody. And happy would it be for the repofe of mankind, if he had been content to tread in the steps of his father. Somebody. Happy indeed. Now, my good friend, I wifh you well, but am often furprised that you fwallow things without the leaft examination-things that would stick in the wide throat of credulity. For inftance, when the editor of a newfpaper tells you that his print exclufively contains the earliest and most authentic articles of information, Nobody believes him, When Bonaparte fays, that he'll invade this country, Nobody believes him. When a pen-fioner or placeman declares that he has nothing fo much at heart as the good of his country, Nobody believes him. When a quack doctor tells you that his noftrum cures all difeafes, Nobody believes him. When a boarding-fchool mifs, in the bud of beauty, declares that he would not for the world take a flight to GretnaGreen, Nobody believes her. I know there are many faults laid to your account: thus when a favourite article of furniture is fpoiled or broken, Nobody did it. Thus alfo when a lady affects indifpofition, the fees Nobody, fpeaks to Nobody, writes to Nobody, dreams of Nobody. Nobody. But her waiting-woman knows that the fees Somebody, fpeaks to Somebody, writes to Somebody, and dreams of Somebody.When a fine lady fhines forth in all the glory of the Perfian loom, showered with diamonds, and perfumed with all the fweets of Arabia, if the fpoufe thould have courage enough to alk, who paid for all thefe fine things, the aufwer is, Nobody; but when E the the account comes to be fettled at finger fix inches. Shewn in Lon Doctors' Commons, then it is found don, 1733. Of him there is, I bethat Somebody paid for them, or is lieve, an engraved portrait. to pay for them, with a vengeance too. One thing I remark, that, previous to the nuptial tie, the dear youth is always confidered as Somebody, but while the honey moon is yet in its wane he is looked upon as Nobody. Daniel Cajanus, the Swedish gi ant, feven feet eight inches high. Shewn 1742, &c. See Daily Advertifer, Jan. 12. Mrs. Gordon, the late Effex woman, died at her lodgings in Fleetfireet, A. D. 1737. See the Crafts man, March 19, 1737. Mr. Henry Blacher, born near Cuckfield, in Suffex, 1724, meafured feven feet five inches. Shewn, 1751. See General Advertiser, Feb. 10. 1751. A boy of fifteen, born at Hurtfield, Suffex, seven feet high, namelefs. Shewn 1745. Daily Adverti fer, Feb. 23, 1745. A tall woman from the county of Suriy, fix feet feven inches and a half, not twenty. Shewn 1752 and 1753. Daily Advertiser, Jan. 10, 1753 Somebody. Very true. After all I have faid, I must acknowledge, in the words of Goldfinith, that even your failings lean to virtue's fide.' For inftance: if a play fhould be got up, puffed, and -d, it is applauded by Nobody. If a book printed on wire-wove paper, hot-preffed, bound in morocco, elegantly gilt, is found to be wretched tuff, it is read by Nobody. If a book thould be written in favour of religion and morality, though neglected by all, it is read by Nobody. If a wretch fhould be configned to the gallows for robbing a man of fixpence on the highway, he is pitied by Nobody, he is owned by Nobody, he is comforted by Nobody; whilft on the other hand, if a villain in high life thould rob an unfufpecting virgin of her heart, or triumph over her innocence Nobody. He is noticed by Somehody, careffed by Somebody, applauded by Somebody, invited to dine by Somebody, and held out by Some. body as the honefleft and worthieft fellow in the univerfe. Somebody. Too true. Colors Gigantum.-Hoa. ALLOW me, mr. Editor, to fend you a lift of giants from fome flight memoranda in my note book, which I may, perhaps, foliow up with an account of other prodigics, fuch as dwarfs, men without arms, &c. &c. And fift for Maximilian Chriftophe Miller, born at Leipfic, A. D. 1674, near eight feet high; his hand a foot, his Cornelius M'Grath measured 7 feet eight inches, born in the county of Tipperary, Ireland. See an account of him in Annual Regifter, 1760. Daily Advertiser, Feb. 17, 1753. A youth of feventeen from the mountains of Moran, Ireland, fix feet fix inches and a half. Shewn An. Dom. 1754. Daily Advertiser, Sept. 18. ing vocabulary to exprefs the charac ter of a husband, from her own experience, and which proves how copious our language is on that arti cle:-He is, faid the, an abhorred, abominable, acrimonious, angry, arrogant, auftere, awkward, barba rous, bitter, bluftering, boisterous, boorifh,, brawling, brutal, bullying, capricious, captious, careless, choleric, churlith, clamorous, contumelious, crabbed, cross, currish, deteftable, difagreeable, difcontented, difgufting, difmal, dreadful, drowsy, dry, dull, envious, execrable, faftidious, fierce, fre:ful, froward, frumpifh, furious, grating, grofs, growl ing, gruff, grumbling, hard-hearted, hafty, hateful, hectoring, horrid, huffiib, humourfome, illiberal, illnatured, implacable, inattentive, in◄ corrigible, inflexible, injurious, infolent, intractable, irafcible, ireful, jealous, keen, loathfome, maggotty, Patrick O'Brien, height eight feet, age 18. Shewn A. D. 1785. See Morning Herald, and Morning Poft, March and April, 1785. He is faid by the hand bills to be eight feet four. N. B. A portrait of him. Twin brothers; height eight feet; 24 years of age. Shewn 1785.- malevolent, malicious, malignant, See Morning Herald, May 5, 1785. maundering, mifchivious, morofe, Shewn at Orleans, 1786, a man murmuring, naufeous, nefarious, faid to measure nine feet. Morning negligent, noify, obftinate, obftrepeHerald, Oct. 5, 1786. rous, odious, offenfive, opinionated, oppreffive, outrageous, overbearing, paffionate, peevith, pervicacious, perverfe, perplexing, pettith, petulant, plaguy, quarrelfome, queafy, queer, raging, reftlefs, rigid, rigorous, roaring, rough, rude, rugged, faucy, favage, fevere, fharp, thocking, fluggith, fnappifh, fnarling, fneaking, four, fpiteful, fplenetic, fqueamifh, ftern, flubborn, ftupid, fulky, fullen, furly, fufpicious, tantalizing, tart, teafing, terrible, tefly, tiresome, tormenting, touchy, treacherous, troublefome, turbulent, tyrannical, uncomfortable, ungovernable, unpleafant, unfuitable, uppith, vexatious, violent, virulent, wafpish, worrying, wrangling, wrathful, yarring, yelping dog in a manger, who neither eats himself not will let others eat. in his coffin. Morning Poft, June 13, 1777: Edward Longmere, the famous Herefordshire giant, feven feet fix inches without his thoes, died 1777. See an account of his being ftolen by anatomifts, Morning Poft, May 23, 5777 Byrne, the Irish giant, died June, 1783. Dr. Hunter purchafed his body. The fkeleton is in the mufeum. His death was occafioned by drinking to confole himtelf for the lofs of a fum of money. Height eight feet two inches. Age faid to be about 22. See Public Ledger, June 4, 1783.. An. Dom. 1746. A tall Saxon woman, feven feet high. See Daily Advertiser, April 26, 1746. A Lancashire man, feven feet fix inches. Shewn March 1776, aged only eighteen. His fifter a dwarf. See Morning Poft, March 13, 1776. 晶 Fenton, a giant from the county of Tyrone. A tall aged man fhewn in Holborn. An. Dom. 1790. Hand bill. Bamfield, the Staffordshire giant, and Coan the dwarf. A print. Cambridgeshire youth, near eight feet high, 19 years of age. Hand bill, 1787. .t G. Definition of a Hufband by his Account 1803 . . . Account of the Public Funded Debt raised as onc fum, the interest of the of Ireland, and of the Provision dated fund of Great Britain. In this whole being charged on the confolia for its Reduction. manner the following sums have been THE government of Ireland oc- raised in Great Britain for the service eationally incurred debts, of small of Ireland, the government of the amount, not exceeding from one to latter country remitting annually the four hundred thousand pounds, at interest, charge of management, and different periods, from the year 1700, appropriation of i per cent. thereon, to the year 1749, about which time, in order to reimburse the payment: it was not only entirely out of debt, made from the consolidated fund o but saved a considerable surplus, this account. amounting to above half a million. Yeurs. Sums borrowed. · From about the year 1760, Ireland 1797 £.1,500,000 bas constantly had a public debt, al 1798 2,000,000 though no part of the present debt is 1799 3,000,000 of an older date than 1773. The 1800 2,000,000 total of the debt was for many years 1801 2,500,000 'very small, in comparison with the 1802 2,000,000 amount to which it has since increai 2,000,000 ed, as will appear from the following 1804 4,500,000 Paiement: 1805 4,000,000 In 1761 £-223,438 1806 2,000,000 1771 773,320 1807 2,000,000 1781 1,551,704 These fums being much great 1794 2,464,590 than the previous loans of Ireland ha The loans rendered pecessary hy usually been, have caused a rapid a the war which began in 1793 were cumulation of debt, the appare in the first year raised wholly in Ire magnitude of which is also much i Jand on 5 per cent. stock. In 1794, creased from the above fums havie an additional inducement was offered been chiefly raised on three per cer 10 persons reludent in England, to stock. The progress of the to Subscribe to the loans in Ireland, by amount has been as follows : , making the dividends on part of the Years. Debr. stock payable at the bark of Eng 1797 £7,032,256 land ; and the sanie plan was follow 1798 11,059,256 ed in 1795 and 1796: tlie loans of 1799 17,466,540 each of these years being raised on 5 1800 25,662,040 per cent. stock with the addition of 1801 31,950,656 terminable anuuities. In 17.97, the 1802 36,464,461 alarm of invalion, and the difturbed 1803 40,663,532 state of the country, rendered it im 1804 44,749,325 practicable for the government of 1805 53,296,356 Ireland, to raise the loan necessary 1806 58,344,690 for the service of the year, except 1807 64,721,356 on the moft cxorbitant terms; it was The total of the sums borrow therefore deemed preferable that it for which this amount of debt should be chiefly railed and funded been incurred is £.45,773,652 in Great Britain, as part of the fum 110* The different description borrowed by the government of that N O T E. country. The joint loans for Great • The above sums are Irish currency Britain and Ireland, were therefore . . . |
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