Walker's Hibernian Magazine, Or, Compendium of Entertaining Knowledge

This is the time,

For those whom wifdem and whom Nature

charm,

To fteal themselves from the degenerate crowd,

And foar above this little fcene of things; To trend low-thoughted vice beneath their

feet :

To footh the throbbing paffions into peace, And woo lone quiet in her filent walks.'

THOMSON.

The fallen leaves that ruffled under my feet as I walked on, feemed to whisper in my ear, Winter is at hand; for when Summer quits us fhort is the progrefs till Winter

Reigns tremendous o'er the conquer'd year.'

As yet it was warm and fine, and Night was clad in her brightest robe; no fullen cloud obfcured the bright face of Heaven, all was beauty, and all was peace: each

Silver-streaming ftar'

poured its radiance around, and the pale-eyed moon fhed her waning luftre on the earth. Thus may we addrefs Night when filence and fere. nity attend her:

"Lo! where the meek-ey'd train attend !
Queen of the folemn thought! defcend;
Ch hide me in romantic bowers!
Or lead my step to ruin'd towers;
Where gleaming thro' the chiaky door
The pale ray gilds the moulder'd floor :
While beneath the hallow'd pile,
Deep in the defert fhrieking aifle,
Rapt Contemplation ftalks along,
And hears the flow clock's pealing tongue;
Or 'mid the dun difcolour'd gloom,
Sits on fome hero's peaceful tomb,
Throws Life's gay glitt'ring robe afide,
And tramples on the neck of Pride.'

OGILVIE.

Croffing a field of ftubble I heard the partridge's cry.-Night-loving bird! well may'ft thou, at this feafon more efpecially, feek the gloom of midnight rather than the glare of day; inftinct has taught thee to dread the hour of light, and inftinct teaches truly. Soon as morning appears, the fportfman, with jocund heart, will feek thy clofeft haunt; there the

To joy at anguish, and delight in blood, Is what your horrid bofoms never knew.'

THOMSON.

On my way home, toward which I was now hafleming, as the mills began to rife, my ideas, by an inpulle which no man can control or define, were led to the females of the /prefent day; that fome few of them are faulty the fairest among them will allow; that they are but few, very few, I am extremely willing to believe: but as my walks are addreff ed more particularly to them, and for their perufal, I am fure I fhall be excused for ending this with what Hurdis calls a friendly lecture to the fair' The truths it contains are ob vious, and though it is a long quotation, fill the beauty of it will am. ply repay thofe who have never before read it; and to thofe who have the pleafing recollections of Hurdis's poetry, will be, I am fure, a fufficient inducement for them again to peJule it.

From him who ill deferves. Let the spruce beau,

That lean, fweet-fcented and palav'rous Who talks of honour and his fword, and fool, plucks

on,

The man who dare advife him by the nofe;
That puny thing which hardly crawls about,
Reduc'd by wine and wonen, yet drinks
And vapours loudly o'er his glafs, resolv'd
To tell a tale of nothing, and outswear
The northern tempeft; let that fool, I fay,
Look for a wife in vain, and live despis'd.
Were fuch as one I knew.

I would that all the fair ones of this ife
Peace to her

foul !

She lives no more! And I a genius need
To paint her as the was.
Moft like, me-
thinks,

That amiable maid the poet drew
With angel pencil, and baptized her Portia.
Happy the man, and happy fure he was,
So welded. Blets'd with her, he wander'd

not

How often have I chain'd my truant tongue
To leek for happiness; 'twas his at home.
To hear the mufic of her fober words!
How often have I wonder'd at the grace
Intruction borrow'd from her eye and

cheek!

Surely that maid deferves a monarch's love
Who bears fuch rich refou:ces in herfelf
For her tweet progeny! A mother taught
Entails a bleffing on her infant charge
Better than riches; an unfading crufe
She leaves behind her, which the fafter flows
The more 'tis drawn; where ev'ry foul
may feed,

And nought diminish of the public ftock. Show me a maid fo fair in all your . ranks,

Ye crowded boarding-fchools! Are ye not To taint the infant mind, to point the way apt To fashionable folly, ftiew with flow'rs The path of vice, and teach the wayward chikl

Extravagance and pride? Who learns in you

To be the prudent wife, or pious mother? To be her parents ftaff, or husband's joy? 'Tis you diffolve the links that once held faft

The matrimonial knot: 'Tis you divide
Domestic happinefs. 'Tis you untie
The parent and his child. Yes, 'tis to

you

We owe the ruin of our dearest blifs!
The best inftru&trels for the growing lafs
Is the that bear her. Let her first be
taught,

And we shall fee the path of virtue smooth

With often treading. She can best difpenfe

That frequent medicine the foul requires, And make it grateful to the tongue of youth,

By mixture of affection. She can charm
When others fail, and leave the work un-
done.

She will not faint, for the inftructs her own.
She will not torture, for fhe feels herself.
So education thrives, and the fweet maid
Improves in beauty, like the shapeless

rock

Under the sculptor's chifel; till at length
She undertakes her progrefs thro' the
world,

Y A woman fair and good, as child for pa-
Parent for child, or man for wife could

rent,

wish.

Say, man, what more delights thee than the fair?

What should we not be patient to endure
If they command ? We rule the noify
world,
But they rule us. Then teach them how
to guide,

And hold the rein with judgment. Their
applaufe

May once again reftore the quiet reign
Of virtue, love, and peace, and yet bring

back

The blush of folly, and the fhame of

vice!'

VILLAGE CURATE.

Every Man his own Punfter.

Puns are difliked by none but those who

can't make them.

SWIFT.

MR. EDITOR, THE following fragment has been tranfmitted to me by mr. O'Nick, of St. Patrick's, in Dublin, who affures me that it is an unpublished MS. of DEAN SWIFT. There is, I think, internal evidence fufficient to prove the affirmative, and whilst I exprefs my pleasure in communicating it to the public, through your work, I cannot refrain from grieving that fo little of the original defign has been accomplished. It is called, as you will perceive, RULES FOR PUNNING, or rules for all perfons and feafons but the dean has only left us the ébauche of a single day.

RULES FOR PUNNING; OR, PUNS FOR ALL PERSONS AND SEASONS.

Comitantibus armis,
PUNica fe attollet gloria.
En. iv.

Virg.

Prefatory remarks on the art of punning-its antiquity from Homer's &c. down to Shakespeare, &c. Its outis, through Sophocles, Cicero, advantages over wit. Wit requires wit in the hearer to comprehend it— a lafting and infuperable objection to its univerfality. Puns, on the contrary, require no wit to make them, nor any to understand them. Prove this by their well known effect on ftupidity in drawing rooms, and theatres, &c. An act to aholith pun. ning, would be the deftruction of three quarters of what are called the wits of our times, and fifteen-fixteenths of the dramatic writers.

Under thefe circumftances of fa

fhion and prevalence, a man might
as well go into a gambling house
without knowing how to play, as
into company without knowing how
to make himfelf agreeable by punning.
Rules are neceffary for the acquifiti-
on of every art. Let what Ovid de-
fired to have faid of him, in respect
to love, be faid of me, with regard
to punning-Magifier erat.'
In the rules divided thus-puns for
every day, in one week, in winter,
fpring, fummer, and autumn. Puns,
in thefe different feasons, for men,
and puns for women, varied accord-
ing to the clafs of life, and the rank
held in the particular eftablishment,
&c. &c.

MASTER OF A FAMILY.

Firft day-fketch to be filled up. Sunday.This is a day of reit for all things but women's tongues and puns--they have none. You go to church, of course, to fet a good example to your family, but let them attend to the parfon, you may be preparing puns against dinner time, when you expect a party.

The

The man of the houfe is nothing without his wife. It is becoming that fhe fhould affift vou-fhe is your helpunate. Connive together, and let her put leading quefiions. Half an hour before dinner-company come. All very ftupid as ufual. Mrs. obferves, that the fears that the dinner will be rather late, as fhe was obliged to take Adam, the footman, to the park, on account of the children. The hufband immediately remarks, that Adam may be the firft of men, but he is a damn flow fellow.

Mrs. My dear Tom, you deferve a Cane for that. Mrs. -. Ay, if you were Able to give it me, who am a hoft to day. Perhaps you were on the Eve of faying this; well there's as much chance in thefe things as in a Pair-o'-dice. (A general laugh.)

Here you are at the end of this excellent fubject. I don't know that any thing more can be made of it.

N. B. Hire no man unless his name is Adam, or he will fuffer you to call him fo.

Let your children enter. Mifs Lucy, George, and Theodore, all punfters, but this day is devoted to the father. Call your daughter Lucy, because, if you are a profound fcholar, you can frequently bring in luce clarior. Your other girl, Sally, ran away with an apothecary. Mrs. will fay this, and you'll exclaim, Ah, SAL volatile 15

Invite a poor emigré to your table at these times. He is always to afk, when your children appear, Et ce qu'ils font tous parle la meme

mere ?'

When you are to reply-Yes, I believe they are all by the fame mare, but I won't answer for the horfe

This is not very complimentary to

N 0 T E. This has been given to Foote; but dates decide.

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[The emigré does not understand this, but he is to laugh heartily nevertheless].

Mrs. Here, Adam; take this key, and you'll find fome in the flore room, at the top of the houfe.

M.--. Attic fult, eh! ha, ha, ha! Well, come let's fall to; this meat will keeep no longer without

falt.

Mr. My dear Tom, that rich dith will only give you the gout. Mr. Pooh Chacun a fon gout.' Why should not I eat it

Mrs. My love, fhall I fend you a peach? Mr. Yes, and if it is'nt a good one, I'll impeach your judgment.

•

By connivance with the Frenchman, he must offer you a pinch of Maccuba fnuff, faying, he's forry it is not better, but his Tonquin bean has loft its flavour. You then reply-Ay, I fee it's one of the hasBEENS. Mrs. Mrs.

―.

Oh that's too bad. Why, it's wit at a pinch, at any rate, therefore if need not make you baw-1, as if I had got into the wrong box. (Turning to the boys.)--What's Latin for goose, eh!

Boys. Brandy, papa!

——.

——.
-. How can that be-

Mrs. You'll kill yourfelf with that vile liquor. Mr. Ifn't it eau de vie ? Mrs. at fome time, mut call for the nutmeg grater.-You take it, and addrefs your neighbour : Sir, you are a great man, but here is a grater.

The fweetmeats will be praifed of course.

Mr.. All my wife's doing. Nancy's a notable woman, I affure you; but I am more not able than the is, an't I, my dear? Ladies all rife. Mrs. ―――――. (Blufhing.)-I can take a hint. My dear, pray touch the bell.

Mr.--. (Chucking a young lady under the chin.)-Yes, my love, I'll touch the belle.

Mrs.

(Going.) You

as well as another ?

Mrs. Blefs me, how you mangle that duck.` Mr. Mangle it my love. Well, I think that's better than to wash and iron it; but tell me how you'll have it done, and you fhall find me ductile.

[Many opportunities will offer of making obfcene puns, but I give no rules for thefe; they come naturally to every punfter! all I fhall fay, is, that they must never be neglected.]

―――――.

Let your cook be famous for pancakes. One of your little boys muft enquire for fome."

Mr.--. My dear this is Sunday; you know we can't have pancakes till Fri-day.

Many more puns must be introduced. Champaign, real pain, after all cheese is beft, &c.]

The company will, probably, add fome, and you may, alfo, by accident; however, you'll be fure of this advantage over your friends, that, you'll be certain of all thefe while you're with your wife, and at home. Your acquaintance, of course, have james, and if they have no other merit, it's very hard if you can't make fomething of them in the pun way. Any blockhead can do

that.

DESERT.

Mr. Give every man his deferts. Shakspeare.

——

―――

No, I think you weg,
but-(bowing)-I bow to you.
The ladies gone, the gentlemen
need no inftructions. They will all
have recourfe of their mother tongue,
and the moft ignorant will fhine the
moft. The mafter muft begin with
half a dozen obfcene puns, to make
himself

wag!
Mr.

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