not make our peace." And being observed to be more melancholy than usual, some court-humourists were sent to divert him: "Ah!" said Sir Francis, "while we laugh, all things are serious about us; God is serious when he preserveth us, and hath patience towards us; Christ is serious when he dieth for us; the Holy Ghost is serious when he striveth with us; the holy Scripture is serious when it is read before us; Sacraments are serious when they are ad rinistered to us; the whole Creation is serious in serving God and us; they are serious in Hell and Heaven; and shall a man that hath one foot in the grave jest and laugh?" 11. When the donatists upbraided St. Augustin with the impiety and impurity of his former life, Look," said he, "how much they blame my fault,somuch I praise and commend my physician.” 12. When Solon beheld one of his friends almost overcome with grief, he led him up into an high tower, and bad

depart, it came to pass, that the Romans were incensed to ruin them, as afterwards they did.

14. Mago was sent from Hannibal to the Carthaginian senate, to relate the greatness of the victory at Cannæ : and as an instance thereof, he shewed three bushels of gold rings that were taken from the fingers of the dead Roman gentlemen. Hanuo, a wise senator, demanded, “If upon this success any of the Roman allies were revolted to Hannibal?" Mago said, No.” “ Then," said he to the senate, "my advice is, that you send forthwith ambassadors to treat of peace." Had this prudent saying of his been followed, Carthage had not been overcome in the second Punic war, nor utterly overthrown in the third, as it was.

CHAP. L.

houses before and round about him; which when he saw he did: "Now," said he, think within yourself what various causes of griet have heretofore been under these roofs, are now, and will hereafter be; and thereupon desist to lament those things as proper to yourself, which are in common to all mankind." He used also to say, "That if every man was to bring his evils and calamities to be cast with those of others upon one heap, it would fall out, that every man would rather carry home his own troubles again, than be contented to take up his part out of the whole heap "

13. The Samnites had shut up the Roman legions at the Furce Caudine in such manner, as they had them all at their disposal: whereupon they seat their general to Herennius Pontius, a man in great reputation for wisdom, to know of him what they should do with them, who advised to send them all away without the least injury. The next day they sent again, who then advised to cut all their throats: they neglected both, and suffering them then to

in divers Things.

As there is a time for every thing that is under the sun, so there is no art or practice, no custom or calling, but had its first introducer, and some one or other from whom it did commence. Now although many of those things are so mean, and the authors of them so obscure, that one would think they scarcely could merit a memorial; yet I find that historians of all sorts have taken pleasure to touch upon them as they passed: some of which I have thus collected:

1. Sp. Carvilius was the first in Rome that sent his wife a bill of divorcement, by reason of her barrenness: who though he seemed to be moved thereunto for a tolerable reason, yet went not without reprehension; for it was believed, that even the desire of children should give place to matrimonial felicity. Before this time, there was no divorce betwixt man and wife to the tive hundred a₫ twentieth year from the first building of the city.

2. Pope Gregory the First was the

VOL. II.

first

first who in his pontifical writings intituled himself thus: Servus servorum Dei, "The servant of the Lord's servants," which has since been followed by most of the rest, though they mean nothing less.

3. Paulus, born at Thebes in Egypt, was the first who, beraking himself to the solitudes of the desert, was called an Eremite, wherein he has since been imitated by Onophrius and Paphnuphius, and multitudes of others, who have found out the like places of retirement from the cares and troubles of human life.

4. Valerius Poplicola was the first in Rome who made a funeral oration in praise of the deceased, who thus in public celebrated the memory of Quiritins Junius, his colleague in the consulship and Pericles was the first in Athens, who thus also publicly extolled those who were slain in the Peloponnee sian war in defence of their country.

5. Cleon the Athenian orator was a vehement person in his time. It was he who first used vociferation in his cadings, striking his hands upon his thighs, and passing from one side of the puipit to another; which after him obtained much amongst the Romans and others.

6. Scipio Africanus was the first senator in Rome who continually went with his beard shaven, whereas the whole city befne used to nourish their beards. This custom of his was the most studiously followed by Cæsar Augustus, the best of all the Ronan princes,

7. Lucius Papyrus was the first that set up a sun-dial in Rome, which being only of use when the sun shined, an homily measure of time was found out by Scipio Narsica: whereas before that time the Romans knew no distinction in the time of the day.

S. Hann, a noble Carthaginian, was the first of all men who shewed a lion subdued unto tameness by himself, for which he was publicly senten

ced, most men believing that the public liberty was ill intrusted in such hands, and to so dexterous a wit, to which so great fierceness had given place.

9. Marcus Tullius Cicero was the first amongst the Romans, who by decree of the senate had the title of Pater Patrie given him, that is to say, "Father of his Country." Augustus Cæsar received it afterwards as his most honourable title: and the successive emperors sought it with more ambition than they had merit to obtain it.

10. M. Scaurus was the first who, in his plays and sights set forth by him in his edileship, made shew of an hippopotamus or sea-horse, and crocodiles swimming in a pool or lake made only for the time of that solemnity.

11. Q. Scævola, the son of Publius, was the first in Rome, who in his cu rule edileship exhibited a fight and combat of many lions together, to show the people pastime and pleasure.

13. The first that yoked lions, and made them draw in a chariot, was Marcus Antonius: it was in the time of the civil war, after the battle in the plains of Pharsalia; in this manner rode he with Cytheris, the courtezan, a common actress in interludes upon the stage.

13. Minyas, the king of that people who take their name from him, was the richest of all his predecessors, the first that imposed a tribute upon goods, and the first that erected a treasury wherein to repose the revenues of iis crown.

14. John Matthew, mercer, born at Sheringtop in Buckinghamshire, was lord mayor of London anno 1490: he was the first bachelor that ever was chosen in that office, and it was above an hundred and twenty years before he was seconded by a single person succeeding him in that place, yiz. sir John Leman, lord mayor 1616.

15. The first that devised an aviary was M. Lenius Strabo, a gentleman of Rome, who made such a one at Brindis, wherein he had inclosed birds of all

315.

kinds, and by his example we began to keep birds and fowls within narrow coops and cages as prisoners, to which nature had allowed the wide air to fly in at liberty. 16. The scarts was a fish that bore the price and praise of all others in Rome: the first that brought these out of the Carpathiati sea, and stored our seas betwixt Ostic and Campania with them, was Optatus, first the slave, and then the freedman, lastly the admiral of a feet under Claudius the emperor.

17. Caius Hirtius was the man by himself that before all others devised a pond to keep lampreys in; he it was that, in the triumph of Julius Caesar, lent him six hundred lampreys to furnish out his feasts which he kept at that time; but on this condition, to have the same weight and tale repaid him.

18. The best way of making oils, and also of making honey, was first found out and practised by one Aristæus.

19. The first that built a hotise in Athens is said to be Doxius the son of Cælius, who taking his pattern from the nests of the swallows, began the way of making houses with clay, whereas before men dwelt in caves and caverns of the earth, and in miserable huts.

20. Semiramis was the first that caused the castration of young males, and howsoever by this her unworthy act she has possibly lost as much reputation as she hath praise for the building of Babylon, yet she is followed in this corrupted example of hers by most of the eastern monarchs, who delight to be attended by

eunuchs.

21. About Syrem, in the province of Thebaid, there is a marble (thereupon called Syrenites) which was also called Pyrrhopacilos of this stobe in times past the kings of Egypt made certain obelisks, and consecrated them to the sun, whom they honoured as a god. They were inchased or had engraven up on them certain characters and figures, which were the Egyptian hieroglyphics, and therein a great part of their best

learning was contained. These obelisks were stones cut out of the solid rock, framed of one entire stone; and of that mighty bigness, that some of them have been on every side four cubits square, and in length one hundred feet, as was that of Ramises, once king of Egypt. The first that ever began to erect these obelisks was Mitres king of Egypt. who held his court in the royal city of Heliopolis, the city of the Sun; and it is said he was admonished in a vision or dream so to do.

22. Edward the Third, our most renowned king, to his eternal memory, brought clothing first into this island, transporting some families of artificers from Ghent hither.

23. Cneius Manlius (as Livy relates) anno ab urb. condit. 567, was he who first brought out of Asia to Rome singing wenches, players, jesters, mimics, and all kinds of music to their feasts.

24. Solon (as writeth Philemon) was the first who brought up whores for the young men of Athens, that the fervour of their lust being exonerated that way, they might desist from the en erprise and thoughts of any thing that is worse.

25. Antigonus, king of Judæa, was beheaded by the command of M. Antonius the triumvir, and this was the first king that ever was put to death in this

manner.

2. A cardinal named Os Före, or swine-snout, in the days of Lodovicus Pits, the emperor, was chosen pope: and, because it was a very unseemly name for so high a dignity, by a general consent it was changed, and he was called Sergius the Second. This was the ørst, and from thence arose the custom, of the popes altering their names after their clection to the popedom.

27. Honorius the Fifth, archbishop of Canterbury, was the first that divided his province into parishes, that so he might appoint particular ministers to particular congregations. He died ano Dom. 653.

28 Cuti

28. Cuthl ert, the eleventh archbishop of Canterbury, was the first that got liberty from the pope of making cemete ries or burial-places within towns and cities, for before within the walls none were buried.

29. Ralph Lane was the first that brought tobacco into England in the twenty-eighth of the reign of queen Elizabeth, and in the year of our Lord 1585.

30. Servius Tullius, king of the Romans, caused brass money to be coined, and was the first that stamped it; for before his days they used it at Rome rude, in the mass or lump. The mark he imprinted on his coin was a sheep, which in Latin they call Pecus, and from thence came the word Pecunia, which signifies money.

CHAP. LI.

Cf the witty Speeches or Replies suddenly made by some Persons.

THE vein of wit doth not always answer a man's desire, but at some times, while we are writing or speaking, something doth casually offer itself unto our thoughts, which perhaps hath more of worth in it, than we are able to compass with the utmost vehemence of our meditation and study. Facetious men have many such fortunate hits, lighting on the sudden upon that which is more graceful and pleasant to the hearer, than their more elaborate endeavours would be.

1. Poggius the Florentine tells a merry story, condemning the folly and impertinent business of such, especially mean persons, as spend their time in hunting and hawking, &c. "A physician of Milan," saith he, "that cured mad men, had a pit of water in his house, in which he kept his patients, some up to the knees, some to the girdle, some to the chin, pro modo insanice, as they were

more or less affected. One of them by chance, that was well recovered, stood in the door, and seeing a gallant youth ride by with a hawk on his fist, wellmounted, with his spaniels after him, would needs know to what use all this preparation served?' He made answer, 'to kill a certain fowl.' The patient demanded again, what his fowls might be worth, which he killed in a year" He replied, five or ten crowns.' And when he urged him further, what his dogs, horse and hawks stood him in ? he told him four hundred crowns.' With that the patient bid him begone, as he loved his life and welfare: for, said he, if our master come and find thee here, he will put thee into the pit amongst madmen up to the very chin.'

2. Mr. Bradford said of the Popish prelates magnifying the church, and contemning Christ, "That they could not mean honestly, that make so much of the wife, and so little of the busband.".

3. One asked a noble sea-captain, "Why having means sufficient to live upon the land, he would yet endanger his p rsen upon the oceau?" He told him, "That he had a natural inclination to it, and therefore nothing could divert him." "I pray," said the other, “where died your father?" "At sea," said the captain. "And where your grandfa ther?" "At sea also," said he. “And," said the other, are you not for that cause afraid to go to sea?" Before I answer you," said the captain, "I pray tell me where d.ed your father "«la bed," said he. And where your grandfather?" "In his bed," said he, also. "And,” said the captain, "are you not afraid for that cause to go to bed!"

4. A certain captain that thought he had performed much for his country in the fight with Xerxes, in an insulting manner was comparing his deeds with those of Themistocles, who thus returned: "There was," said he,

contention

contention betwixt a holy-day and the day after the day after boasted of the labours and sweat which it was spent in, and that what was gained t ereby, was expended by those that kept holy-day : True," said the holy-day, "but unless I had been, thou hadst not been." "And so," said he, "had I not been, where had you all been?"

5. The Spaniards sided with the duke of Mayenne, and the rest of those rebels in France who called themselves the Holy League; and a French gentleman being asked the causes of their civil broils, with an excellent allusion he replied, "They were Spania and Mania," seeming by this answer to signify mana penury, and Max.z fury, which are indeed the causes of all intestine tumults;

dean, "when you please, and my lord bishop will confirm you.”

9 John Jegon, doctor of divinity, master of Bene't college in Cambridge, after made bishop of Norwich by king James, was a most serious man, d grave governor, yet withal of a most fa cetious disposition. Take this instance : While master of the college, he chanced to punish all the under graduates therein for some general offence, and the penalty was put upon their heads, in the buttery; and because he disdained to convert the money to any private use, it was expended in new whiting the hall of the college: whereupon a scholar hung up thee verses, on the skreen:

Doctor Jegon, Bene't college master,

6. Sir Robert Cataline, lord chief justice of the King's Bench, in the first of queen Elizabeth, had a prejudice against those who wrote their names with an alias; and took exceptions at one in this respect, saying, "that no honest mau had a double name, or came in with an alias." The party asked him, "What exceptions his lordship conid take at Jesus Christ, alias Jesus of Nazareth ?"

7. The goldsmiths of London had a custom once a year to weigh gold in the star chamber in the presence of the privy-council and the king's attorney. This solemn weighing by a word of art they call the Pix; and make use of so exact scales therein, that the master of the company affirmed, "that they would turn with the two hundredth part of a grain." "I should be loth," said attorney Noy, (standing by,)" that all my actions should be weighed in such scales.”

8. Dr. Andrew Perne, dean of Ely, was excellent at such Flent sharp jests, and sometimes too tart in true ones: he chanced to call a clergyman fool (who indeed was little better): he replied, "that he would complain thereof to the bishop of Ely." "Do," said the

a plaister.

But the doctor had not the readiness

of his parts any whit impaired by his age for perusing the paper, extempre he subscribed. :

Knew I but the wag that writ these verses in bravery,

I would commend him for his wit, but whip hing for his knavery.

10. When the wars in queen Elizabeth's time were hot betwixt England and Spain, there were commissioners om both sides appointed to treat of peace. They met at a town of the French king's At first it was debated in what tongue the negotiation should be handled. The Spaniard, thinking to give the English commissioners a shrewd guird, proposed the French tongue as most fit, it being a language the Spaniards were well skil led in:

And for the gentleman of England, I suppose," saith he, "that they cannot be ignorant of the language of their fellow subjects; their queen of France as well as of England

queen

is

20

Nay, in faith, my masters,” replied doctor Dale, (a civil lawver, and one of the masters of requests, "the Frenc tongue is too vulgar for a business of this secrecy and importance, especially in a

French