This Pamela; I can't let her stay, I'll assure you not only for her own freedom of speech, but her letter-writing of all the secrets of my family.' 'Ay,' said the good old man: 'I'm sorry for that too!-But Sir-No more, I say,' said my master; for my reputation's so well known,' (mighty fine! thought I,) that I care not what anybody writes or says of me; but to tell you the truth, (not that it need go any further,) I think of changing my condition soon; and, you know, young ladies of birth and fortune will choose their own servants, and that's my chief reason why Pamela can't stay. As for the rest,' said he, the girl is a good sort of body, take her altogether; though I must say, a little pert, since my mother's death, in her answers, and gives me two words for one, which I can't bear; nor is there reason I should, you know, Longman.'-'No, to be sure, Sir,' said he; but 'tis strange she should be so mild and meek to every one of us in the house, and forget herself so where she should shew most respect!'- Very true, Mr. Longman, said he; but so it is, I'll assure you; and it was from her pertness, that Mrs. Jervis and I had the words: and I should mind it the less, but that the girl (there she stands, I say it to her ace) has wit and sense above her years, and knows better.' I was in great pain to say something, but yet I knew not what, before Mr. Longman; and Mrs. Jervis looked at me, and walked to the window to hide her concern for me. At last, I said, 'It is for you, Sir, to say what you please; and for me only to say, God bless your honour !' Poor Mr. Longman faultered in his speech, and was ready to cry. Said my insulting master to me, Why, pr'ythee, Pamela, now shew thyself as thou art, before Longman. Can'st not give him a specimen of that pertness which thou hast exercised upon me sometimes?' Did he not, my dear father and mother, deserve all the truth to be told? Yet I overcame myself so far as to say, 'Your honour may play upon a poor girl, that you know can answer you, but dare not.' Why, pr'ythee now, insinuator,' said he say the worst you can before Longman and Mrs. Jervis. I challenge the utmost of thy impertinence; and, as you are going away, and have the love of every body, I would be a little justified to my family, that you have no reason to complain of hardships from me, as I have of pert saucy answers from you, besides exposing me by your letters.' Surely, Sir,' said I, I am of no consequence equal to this, in your honour's family, that such a great genfleman as you should need to justify yourself about me. I am glad Mrs. Jervis stays with your honour; and I know I have not deserved to stay; and, more than that, I don't desire to stay.' 'Ads-bobbers,' said Mr. Longman, and ran to me, don't say so, don't say so, dear Mrs. Pamela! We all love you dearly; and pray down on your knees, and ask his honour pardon, and we will all become pleaders in a body, and I, and Mrs. Jervis too, at the head of it, to beg his honour's pardon, and to continue you, at least, till his honour marries.'-No, Mr. Longman,' said I, I cannot ask; nor will I stay, if I might. All I desire is, to return to my poor father and mother; though I love you all, I won't stay.'-O well a-day, well-a-day!' said the good old man, I did not expect this!-When I had got matters thus far, and had made all up for Mrs. Jervis, I was in hopes to have got a double holiday of joy for all the family in your pardon too.''Well,' said my master, this is a little specimen of what I told you, Longman. You see there's a spirit you did not expect.' Mrs. Jervis told me, after, that she could stay no longer to hear me so hardly used; and must have spoken, had she staid, what would never have been forgiven her; so she went out. I looked after her, to go too; but my master said, Come Pamela, give another specimen, I desire you, to Longman: I am sure you must, if you will but speak.'-Well, Sir,' said I, since it seems your greatness wants to be justified by my lowness, and I have no desire you should suffer in the sight of your family, I will say, on my bended knees,' (and to I kneeled down,) ‘ that I have been a very faulty, and a very ungrateful creature to the best of masters; I have been very perverse and saucy; and have deserved nothing at your hands, but to be turned out of your family with shame and disgrace. I therefore have nothing to say for myself, but that I am not worthy to stay, 44 and so cannot wish to stay, and will not stay so God Almighty bless you-and you, Mr. Longman--and good Mrs. Jervis-and every living soul of the family! and I will pray for you as long as I live.'-And so I rose up, and was forced to lean upon my master's elbow-chair, or I should have sunk down. The poor old man wept more than I, and said, 'Ads-bobbers, was ever the like heard! 'tis too much, too much, I can't bear it, As I hope to live, I am quite melted,-Dear Sir, forgive her: the poor thing prays for you: she prays for us all: she owns her fault; yet won't be forgiven! I profess I know not what to make of it.' My master himself, hardened wretch as he was, seemed a little moved, and took his handkerchief out of his pocket, What and walked to the window. sort of a day is it?' said he. And then getting a little more hard-heartedness, he said, Well, you may be gone from my presence, thou strange medley of inconsistence! but you shan't stay after your time in the house. Nay, pray, Sir, pray, Sir,' said the good old man, relent a little. Adsheartlikins, you young gentlemen are made of iron and steel, I think: I'm sure,' said he, my aeart's turned into butter, and is running away at my eyes. I never felt the like before.' Said my master with an imperious tone, 'Get out of my presence, hussy; I can't bear you in my sight." -Sir,' said I, 'I'm going as fast as I can.' But, indeed, my dear father and mother, my head was so giddy, and my limbs trembled so, that I was forced to go holding by the wainscot all the way with both my hands, and thought I should not have got to the door: but when I did, as I hoped this, would be my last interview with, this terribie, hard-hearted master, I turned about, and made a low curtesy, and said,, God bless you, Sir!-God bless you, Mr. Longman!" and I went into the lobby leading to the great hall, and dropt into the first chair; for I could get no farther a good while. I leave all these things to your reflection, my dear parents; but I can write no more. My poor heart's almost broken. Indeed it is.-O when shall I get away! Send me, good God, in safety, once more, to my poor father's LETTER XXIX. MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER, I MUST write, though I shall come so soon for now I have hardly any thing else to do. I have finished all that lay upon me, and only wait the good time of setting out. Mrs. Jervis said, I must be low in pocket for what I had laid out; and so would have presented me with two guineas of her five;. but I could not take them of her, because, poor gentlewoman, she pays old debts for her children, that were exwants them herself. travagant, and This was very good in her. I am sorry I shall have but little to bring with me; but I know you won't, you are so good! and I will work the harder when I come home, if I can get a little plain work or any thing to do. But all your neighbourhood is so poor, that I fear I shall want work, except may-be Dame Mumford help me to something from any good family she is acquainted with! Here what a sad thing it is! I have as matters, been brought up wrong, stand. For, you know, my good lady now in Heaven, loved singing and dancing; and, as she would have it I had a voice, she made me learn both; and often and often has she made me sing her an innocent song, and a good psalm too, and dance before her. And I must learn to flower and draw too, and to work fine-work with my needle; why all this too I have got pretty tolerably at my finger's end, as they say; and she used to praise me, and was a good judge of such matters. Well now, what is all this to the purpose, as things have turned out? Why, no more nor less, than that I am like the grasshopper in the fable, which I have read of in my lady's book, as follows :* 'As the ants were airing their provisions one winter, a hungry grasshopper. (suppose it was poor me) begged charity of them. They told him, he should Well," says the have wrought in summer, if he would not want in winter. grasshopper, "but I was not idle, for I sung the whole season."-" Then," said * See the Esop's Fables which have lately been selected and reformed from those of Sir R. L'Estrange, and the most eminent mythologists. they, you'll e'en do well to make a Merry year of it, and dance in winter to the tune you sung in summer.' I shall make a fine figure with my singing and dancing when I come home! I shall be unfit even for a May-day holiday; for these minuets, rigadoons, and French dances, that I have been practising, will make me but ill company for my milk-maid companions that are to be. I had better, as things are, have learned to wash, scour, brew, bake, and such like. But I hope, if I can't get work, and can meet with a place, to learn these soon, if any body will have the goodness to bear with me till I am able: for, notwithstanding what my master says, I hope I have an humble and teachable mind; and, next to God's grace, that is all my comfort, for I shall think nothing too mean that is honest. It may be a little hard at first; but woe to my proud heart if I find it so on trial! I will make it bend to its condition, or break it. I have read of a good bishop that was to be burnt for his religion: he tried how he could bear it, by putting, his fingers into the lighted candle: so I, the other day, tried, when Rachel's back was turned, if I could not scour a pewter plate she had begun. I could do it by degrees; it only blistered my hand in two places. All the matter is, if I could get plain work enough, I need not spoil my fingers; but if I can't I hope to make my hands as red as a blood-pudding, and as hard as a beechen trencher to accommodate them to my condition. I must break off; here's somebody coming. 'Tis only our Hannah, with a message from Mrs. Jervis.-But hold, here is somebody else. It is only Rachel. I am as much frighted as were the city mouse and country mouse, in the same book of fables, at every thing that stirs. I have a power of these things to entertain you, with in winter evenings, when I come home. If I can but get work, with a little time for reading, I hope we shall be very happy, over our peat fires. What made me hint to you that I should bring but little with me, is this: You must know, I did not intend to do, as I have this afternoon; that is, I look all my clothes and linen, and divided them into three parcels, as I had before told Mrs. Jervis I intended to do; and said, 'It is now Monday Mrs. Jervis; I am to go away on Thursday morning by times: though I know you don't doubt my honesty, I beg you will look over my things, and let every one have what belongs to them; for you know I am resolved to take with me only what I can properly call my own.' Said she, (I did not know her drift then; to be sure she meant well; but I did not thank her for it, when I did know it,)- Let your things be brought down into the green-room, and I will do any thing you would have me.' With all my heart,' said I, 'greenroom, or any where; but I think you might step up, and see 'em as they he.' However, I fetched 'em down, and laid them in three parcels, as before; when done, I went down to call her up to look at them. Now, it seems she had prepared my master for this scene, unknown to me; and in this green-room was a closet, with a sash-door and a curtain before it; for there she puts her sweet-meats and such things. She did it, it seems, to turn his heart, knowing what I intended, as I suppose, that he should make me take the things; for, if he had, I should have made money of them, to help us when we got together; for I could never have appeared in them. Well, as I was saying, he had got, unknown to me, into this closet; I suppose while I went to call Mrs. Jervis: and she since owned to me, it was at his desire, when she told him something of what I intended, or else she would not have done it: though I have reason to remember the last closet-work, So I said, when she came up,' Here, Mrs. Jervis, is the first parcel: I will spread it all abroad. These are the things my good lady gave me. In the first place, and so I went on describing the clothes and linen my lady had given me, mingling blessings as I proceeded, for her goodness to me: when I had turned over that parcel, I said, Well, so much for the first par cel, Mrs. Jervis; that was my lady's gifts. 'Now I come to the presents of my dear virtuous master: hey, you know, closet for that, Mrs. Jervis.' She laughed and said, 'I never saw such a comical girl in my life: but go on.' I will, Mrs. Jervis,' said I, as soun. as I have opened the bundle;' for I was as brisk and as pert as could be, them away; for she gave them me, supe little thinking who heard me. 'Now here,' said I, are my everworthy master's presents; and then I particularised all those in the second bundle. After which I turned to my own, and said 'Now comes poor Pamela's bundle: and a little one it is to the others. First, here is a calico night-gown, that I used to wear o' mornings. "Twill be rather too good for me when I get home; but I must have something. Then there is a quilted calimanco coat, a pair of stockings I bought of the pedlar, my straw hat with blue strings; and a remnant of Scotch cloth, which will make two shirts, and two shifts, the same I have on, for my poor father and mother. And here are four other shifts, one the fellow to that I have on ; another pretty good one, and the other two old fine ones, that will serve me to turn and wind with at home, for they are not worth leaving behind me; and here are two pair of shoes; I have taken the lace off, which I will burn, and may be will fetch me some little matter at a pinch, with an old silver Duckle or two. 'What do you laugh for, Mrs. Jervis?' said I. " Why, you are like an April day; you cry and laugh in a breath.' 'Well, let me see: here is a cotton handkerchief I bought of the pedlar; there should be another somewhere. O here it is; and here are my new-bought knit mittens; this is my new flannel coat, the fellow to that I have en: and in this parcel, pinned together, are several pieces of printed calico, remnants of silk, and such-like, that, if good luck should happen, and I should get work, would serve for robings and facings, and such-like uses. Here too are a pair of pockets; they are too fine for me; but I have no worse. Bless me, I did not think I had so many good things. Well, Mrs. Jervis,' said I, 'you have seen all my store, and I will now sit down, and tell you a piece of my mind.' 'Be brief, then,' said she, my good girl;' for she was afraid, she said afterwards, that I should say too much. Why then the case is this: I am to enter upon a point of equity and conscience, Mrs. Jervis; and I must beg, if you love me, you'd let me have my own way. Those things there of my lady's, I can have no claim to, so as to take posing I was to wear them in her service, and to do credit to her bountiful heart. But, since I am to be turned away, you know, I cannot wear them at my poor father's; for I should bring all the little village upon my back; and so I resolve not to have them. Then, Mrs. Jervis,' said 1, 'I have far less right to these of my worthy master's: for you see what was his intention in giving them to me. So they were to be the price of my shame; and if I could make use of them, I should think I should never prosper with them; and besides you know, Mrs. Jervis, if I would not do the good gentleman's work, why should I take his wages! So in conscience, in honour, in every thing, I have nothing to say to thee, thou second wicked bundle? 'But,' said I, 'come to my arms, my dear third parcel, the companion of my poverty, and the witness of my honesty ; and may I never deserve the least rag that is contained in thee, when I forfeit a title to that innocence, that I hope will ever be the pride of my life; and I am sure it will be my highest comfort at my death, when all the riches and pomps of the world will be worse than the vilest rags that can be worn by beggars!' And so I hugged my third bundle. 'But,' said I, Mrs. Jervis,' (and she wept to hear me,) one thing more I have to trouble you with, and that's all. 'There are four guineas, you know, that came out of my good lady's pocket, when she died, that, with some silver, my master gave me: now these four guineas I sent to my poor father and mother, and they have broken them; but would make them up, if I would: and if you think it should be so, it shall. But pray tell me honestly your mind; as to the three years before my lady's death, do you think, as I had no wages, I may be supposed to be quits?-By quits I cannot mean that my poor services should be equal to my lady's goodness; for that's impossible. But as all her learning and education of me, as matters have turned, will be of little service to me now: it had been better to have been brought up to hard labour, for that I must turn to at last, if I can't get a place, (and you know, in places too, one is subject to such temptations as are dreadful,) I say, by quits, as I return all the good things she gave me, whether I may not set my little services against my keeping; because my learning is not now in the question, and I am sure my dear good lady would have thought 80, had she lived; but that is now out of the question. Well then, if so, I would ask, whether, in above this year that I have lived with my master, as I am resolved to leave all his gifts behind me, I may not have earned, besides my keeping, these four guineas, and hese poor clothes here upon my back, and in my third bundle? Now tell me your mind freely, without favour or affection.' Alas! my dear girl,' said she, 'you make me unable to speak to you at all: it will be the highest affront that can be offered, to leave any of these things behind you; and you must take all your bundles, or my master will never forgive you.' 'Well, Mrs. Jervis,' said I, 'I don't care; I have been too much used to be snubbed and hardly treated by my master, of late. I have done him no harm; I shall always pray and wish him happy. But I don't deserve these things; I can't wear them if I should take them; so they can be of no use to me; I trust I shall not want the poor pittance, that is all I desire, to keep life and soul together. Bread and water I can live upon with content. Water I shall get anywhere; and if I can't get bread, I will live, like a bird in winter, upon hips and haws, and at other times upon pignuts, potatoes, or turnips. So what occasion have I for these things?-But all I ask is about these four guineas, if you think I need not return them; that is all I want to know.'- To be sure, my dear, you need not,' said she; you have well earned them by that waistcoat only. No, I think not so, in that only; but in the linen, and other things, do you think I have? Yes, yes,' said she, and more.'-' And my keeping allowed for, I mean,' said I, and these poor clothes on my back, besides? Remember that, Mrs Jervis.'- Yes, my dear, no doubt you have. Well then,' said I, I am as happy as a princess. I am quite as rich as I wish to be: and, once more, my dear third bundle, I will bring thee to my bosom. I beg you'll say nothing of this till I am gone, that my master mayn't be so angry, but that I may go in peace; for my heart, with out other matters, will be ready to break to part with you all. Now, Mrs. Jervis,' said I, 'as to one matter more, and that is my master's last usage of me, before Mr. Longman.' Said she- Pr'ythee, dear Pamela, step to my chamber, and fetch me a paper I left on my table. I have something to shew you in it.' I will,' said I, and stepped down; but that was only an excuse to take orders of my master, I found. He said he thought two or three times to have burst out upon me; but he could not stand it, and wished I might not know he was there. But I tript up again so nimbly, (for there was no paper) that I just saw his back, as if coming out of that green-room, and going into the next to it, the first door that was open-I whipped in, shut the door, and bolted it. 'O Mrs. Jervis,' said 1, what have you done by me !--I see I can't confide in any body. I am beset on all hands. Wretched, wretched Pamela! where shalt thou expect a friend, if Mrs. Jervis joins to betray thee thus ? She made so many protestations, (telling me all, and that he owned I had made him wipe his eyes two or three times, and said she hoped it would have a good effect, and remembered me, that I had said nothing but what would rather move compassion than resentment) that I forgave her. But O! that I was safe from this house; for never poor creature sure was so flustered as I have been so many months together! I wonder what will next befal your dutiful daughter. Mrs. Jervis says, she is sure I shall have the chariot to carry me home to you. Though this will look too great for me, yet it will shew as if I was not turned away quite in disgrace. The travelling chariot is come from Lincolnshire, and I fancy I shall go in that ; for the other is quite grand, LETTER XXX. MY DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER, I WRITE again, though, may be, I shall bring it to you in my pocket: for I shall have no writing, or writing-time, I hope, when I come to you. This is Wednesday morning, and 1 shall, I hope, set out to you to-morrow morning; but I have had more trials, and more vexations; but of another complexion, though all from the same quarter. Yesterday my master, afte: he came from hunting, sent for me. I went with great terror; for I expected he would storm and be in a passion with me, for my freedom of speech; so resolved to begin first, with submissio disarm |