Then, thought I, how much better is it to be the suffering than the offending person!-But yet, madam, to have so fine a gentleman, who had advanced so far up the hill of virtue, to slide back all at once; and (between your ladyship and me) to have him sink down to the character he had despised; and, at last, if his life should be spared (as is my hourly prayer), to have him carry his vices into advanced years, and become such a poor man as we see Sir Simon Darnford, retaining a love of his juvenile follies, even after the practice has left him: how my heart shudders at such a thought for my Mr. B—! my Well, but, thought I, let the worst come to the worst, he perhaps may be so good as to permit me to pass the remainder of my days, with my dear Billy, in Kent, with father and mother; and so, when I cannot rejoice in possession of a virtuous husband, I shall be employed in praying for him, and enjoy a twofold happiness, that of doing my own duty to my dear baby-and a pleasing entertainment that will be-and that of comforting my worthy parents, and being comforted by them;—and no small consolation this!-And who knows but I may be permitted to steal a visit now and then to dear Lady Davers, and be called sister, and be deemed a faultless sister too!-and that will be a fine thing. But remember, my dear lady, that if ever it come to this, I will not bear that, for my sake, you shall, with too much asperity, blame your brother; for I will be ingenious to find excuses or extenuations for him; and I will now and then, in some disguised habit, steal the pleasure of seeing him, although at the same time I may see his happier countess; and give him, with a silent tear, my blessing for the good I and mine have reaped at his hands. But, oh! if he takes from me my Billy, who must, after all, be his heir, and gives him to the cruel countess, he will at once burst asunder the strings of my heart! For, oh, my happy rivaless! if you tear from me my husband, he is in his own disposal, and I cannot help it:-Nor can I, indeed, if he will give you my Billy. But this I am sure of, that my child and my life must go together! Your ladyship will think I rave. Indeed I am almost crazed at times. For the dear man is so negligent, so cold, so haughty, that I cannot bear it. He says, just now, You are quite altered, Pamela. I believe I am, madam. But what can I do? He knows not that I know so much. I dare not tell him. For he will have me then reveal my intelligencer: and what may be the case between them? I weep in the night, when he is asleep; and in the day, when he is absent: and I am happy when I can, unobserved, steal this poor relief. I believe already I have shed as many tears as would drown my baby. How many more I may have to shed, God only knows-For, O madam! after all my fortitude, and my recollection, to fall from so much happiness, and so soon, is a trying thing! But I will still hope the best, and resign to God's will, and his, and see how far he will be permitted to exercise me. So don't, my good lady, be overmuch concerned for me-for you know I am apt to be too apprehensive. And should this matter blow over, I shall be ashamed of my weakness, and the trouble I must give to your generous heart, for one so undeservedly favoured by you, as is Your obliged sister, and most humble servant, P. B———. Dear madam, let no soul see any part of this our present correspondence, for your brother's sake, and your sake, and my sake. LETTER LXX. Lady Davers to Mrs. B—. MY DEAREST PAMELA,-You need not be afraid of anybody's knowing what passes between us on this cutting subject. Though I hear of it from every mouth, yet I pretend 'tis all falsehood and malice. Yet Lady Betty will have it, that there is more in it than I will own; and that I know my brother's wickedness, by my pensive looks. She will make a vow, she says, never to marry any man living. I am greatly moved by your affecting periods. Charming Pamela! what a tempest do you raise in one's mind, when you please, and lay it too, at your own will! Your colourings are strong; but I hope your imagination carries you much farther than it is possible he should go. I am pleased with your prudent reasonings, and your wise resolutions. I see nobody can advise or help you. God only can! And His direction you beg so hourly, that I make no doubt you will have it. What vexes me is, that when the noble uncle of this vile lady (why don't you call her so, as well as I?)-expostulated with her on the scandals she brought upon her character and family, she pretended to argue, foolish creature! for polygamy; and said, She had rather be a certain gentleman's second wife, than the first to the greatest man in England. I leave you to your own workings: but if I find your prudence unrewarded by the wretch, the storm you saw raised at the Hall shall be nothing to the hurricane I will excite, to tear up by the roots all the happiness the two wretches propose to themselves. Don't let my intelligence, which is undoubted, grieve you overmuch. Try some way to move the wretch. What must be done must be by touching his generosity: He has that in some perfection. But how in this case to move it, is beyond my power or skill to prescribe. God bless you, my dearest Pamela! You shall be my only sister. And I will never own my brother, if he be so base to your superlative merit. Adieu once more, From your sister and friend, B. DAVERS. LETTER LXXI. Mrs. B-- to Lady Davers. MY DEAREST LADY,-A thousand thanks for your kind, your truly sisterly letter and advice. Mr. B― is just returned from a tour to Portsmouth, with the countess, I believe, but am not sure. Here I am forced to leave off. Let me scratch through this last surmise. It seems she was not with him. This is some comfort, however. He is very kind; and Billy not being well, when he came in, my grief passed off without blame. He has said a great many tender things to me: but added, that if I gave myself so much uneasiness every time the child ailed anything, he would hire the nurse to over-lay him. Bless me, madam! what hardhearted, what shocking things are these men capable of saying!-The farthest from their hearts, indeed : so they had need-for he was as glad of the child's being better as I could be. In the morning he went out in the chariot for about an hour, and returned in a good humour, saying twenty agreeable things to me, which makes me so proud, and so pleased! He is gone out again. Could I but find this matter happily conquered, for his own soul's sake-But he seems, by what your ladyship mentions, to have carried this polygamy point with the lady. Can I live with him, madam,-ought I-if this be the case? I have it under his hand, that the laws of his country were sufficient to deter him from this practice. But, alas! he knew not this countess then! But here I must break off. He is returned, and coming up. Go into my bosom for the present, O letter dedicated to dear Lady Davers!-Come to my hand, the play employment, so unsuited to my present afflicted mind!-Here he comes! O madam, madam! my heart is almost broken!-Just now Mr. B—— tells me that the countess dowager, and the viscountess her sister, are to be here to see my Billy, and to drink tea with me, this very afternoon! I was all confusion when he told me this. I looked around and around, and upon everything but him. Will not my friends be welcome, Pamela ? said he sternly. Oh yes, sir, very welcome!-But I have these wretched vapours so, that I wish I might be excused-I wish I might be allowed to take an airing in the chariot for two or three hours; for I shall not be fit to be seen by such-ladies-said I, half out of breath. You'll be fit to be seen by nobody, my dear, if you go on thus. But do as you please. He was going, and I took his hand: Stay, dear sir, let me know what you would have me do. If you would have me stay, I will. To be sure I would. Well, sir, then I will. For it is hard, thought I, if an innocent person cannot look up, in her own house too, as it is at present, as I may say, to a guilty one!-Guilty in her heart, at least ;-though, poor lady, I hope she is not so in |