trade, by observing to him, that the water was the only native of England that could be made use of on this occasion: but that the lemons, the brandy, the sugar, and the nutmcg, were all foreigners. This put him into some confusion; but the landlord, who overheard me, brought him off, by affirming that, for constant use, there was no liquor like a cup of English water, provided it had malt enough in it. My 'squire laughed heartily at the conceit, and made the landlord sit down with us. We sat pretty late over our punch; and, amidst a great deal of improving discourse, drank the healths of several persons in the country, whom I had never heard of, that, they both assured me, were the ablest statesmen in the nation; and of some Londoners whom they extolled to the skies for their wit, and who, I knew, passed in town for silly fellows. It being now midnight, and my friend perceiving by his almanac that the moon was up, he called for his horses, and took a sudden resolution to go to his house, which was at three miles distance from the town, after having bethought himself that he never slept well out of his own bed. He shook me very heartily by the hand at parting, and discovered a great air of satisfaction in his looks, that he had met with an opportunity of showing his parts, and left me a much wiser man than he found me. No. 23.-FRIDAY, MARCH 9. Illis ira modum supra est, et sæpe venenum VIRG IN the wars of Europe which were waged among our forefathers, it was usual for the enemy, when there was a king in the field, to demand by a trumpet in what part of the camp he resided, that they might avoid firing upon the royal pavilion. Our party contests in England were heretofore managed with the same kind of decency and good breeding. The person of the prince was always looked upon as sacred; and whatever severe usage his friends or ministers met with, none presumed to direct their hostilities at their sovereign. The enemies of our present settlement are of such a coarse kind of make, and so equally void of loyalty and good manners, that they are grown scurrilous upon the royal family, and treat the most exalted characters with the most op◄ probrious language. This petulance in conversation is particularly observed to prevail among some of that sex where it appears the most unbecoming and the most unnatural. Many of these act with the greater licentiousness, because they know they can act with the greater impunity. This consideration, indeed, engages the most generous and well-bred even of our she-male contents, to make no ill use of the indulgence of our lawgivers: and to discover in their debates at least the delicacy of the woman, if not the duty of the subject. But it is generally remarked, that every one of them, who is a shrew in domestic life, is now become a scold in politics. And as for those of the party, who are of a superior rank and unblemished virtue, it must be a melancholy reflection for them to consider that all the common women of the town are of their side: for which reason they ought to preserve a more than ordinary modesty in their satirical excursions, that their characters may not be liable to suspicion. If there is not some method found out for allaying these heats and animosities among the fair sex, one does not know to what outrages they may proceed. I remember a hero in Scarron, who, finding himself opposed, by a mixed multitude of both sexes, with a great deal of virulent language, after having brought them to a submission, gave order (to keep them from doing farther mischief) that the men should be disarmed of their clubs, and that the women should have their nails pared. We are not yet reduced to the necessity of applying such violent remedies; but as we daily receive accounts of ladies battling it on both sides, and that those who appear against the constitution make war upon their antagonists by many unfair practices and unwarrantable methods, I think it is very convenient there should be a cartel settled between them. If they have not agreed upon any thing of this nature among themselves, I would propose to them the following plan, in which I have sketched out several rules suited to the politest sex in one of the most civilized nations. THAT, in every political rencounter between woman and woman, no weapon shall be made use of but the tongue. That, in the course of the engagement, if either of the combatants, finding herself hard pressed by her adversary, shall proceed to personal reflections or diseovery of secrets, they shall be parted by the standers by. That, when both sides are drawn up in a full assembly, it shall not be lawful for above five of them to talk at the same time. That, if any shall detract from a lady's character (unless she be absent) the said detractress shall be forthwith ordered to the lowest place of the room. That none presume to speak disrespectfully of his majesty, or any of the royal family, on pain of three hours' silence. That none be permitted to talk spitefully of the court, unless they can produce vouchers that they have been there. That the making use of news, which goes about in whisper, unless the author be produced, or the fact well attested, shall be deemed fighting with white powder, and contrary to the laws of war. That any one who produces libels or lampoons, shall be regarded in the same manner as one who shoots with poisoned bullets. That when a lady is thoroughly convinced of the falschood of any story she has related, she shall give her parole not to tell it for a certain truth that winter. That when any matter of doubt arises, which cannot otherwise be decided, appeal shall be made to a toast, if there be any such in the company. That no coquette, notwithstanding she can do it with a good air, shall be allowed to sigh for the danger of the church, or to shiver at the apprehensions of fanaticism. That when a woman has talked an hour and a half, it shall be lawful to call her down to order. As this civil discord among the sisterhood of GreatBritain is likely to engage them in a long and lingering war, consisting altogether of drawn battles, it is the more necessary that there should be a cartel settled among them. Besides, as our English ladies are at present the greatest stateswomen in Europe, they will be in danger of making themselves the most unamiable part of their sex, if they continue to give a loose to intemperate language, and to a low kind of ribaldry, which is not used among the women of fashion in any other country. Discretion and good nature have been always looked upon as the distinguishing ornaments of female conversation. The woman, whose price is above rubies,' has no particular in the character given of her by the wise man, more endearing, than that she openeth her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness.' she-zealot should consider, that however any of the other sex may seem to applaud her as a partisan, there is none of them who would not be afraid of associating himself with her in any of the more private relations of life. Besides, every fierce I shall only add, that there is no talent so pernicious as eloquence, to those who have it not under command for which reason, women, who are so liberally gifted by nature in this particular, ought to study, with the greatest application, the rules of female oratory, delivered in that excellent treatise, entitled The Government of the Tongue. Had that author foreseen the political ferment which is now raised among the sex, he would probably have made his book larger by some chapters than it is at present: but what is wanting in that work, may, I hope, in some measure, be supplied by the above written cartel. |