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Thou see'st my tortur'd breast,
The strugglings of my will, The griefs that interrupt my rest,
The agonies I feel. The daily death I prove,
Saviour! to thee is known, 'Tis worse than death, my God to love, My life, my portion, thou,
And not my God alone.
Who only canst control;
And calm my troubled soul.
Restore my inward peace; I know, thou canst pronounce the word,
And bid the tempest cease, When shall thy love constrain,
And force me to thy breast? When shall my soul return again
To her eternal rest?
To me did freely move;
And stoops to ask my love.
Distraction, grief, and wo;
To thee then let me go.
I groan to be set free;
And give up all for thee.
Thou did'st with all things part; Did'st lead a life of grief below,
To gain my worthless heart. My worthless heart to gain,
The God of all that breathe, Was found in fashion as a man,
And died a cursed death.
And keep me ever thine ;
And more than life resign.
Nor hence again remove; Settle and fix my wavering soul,
With all thy weight of love.
Thy only love to know,
other good below.
Thou all-sufficient art; My hope, my heav'nly treasure, nove
Enter and keep my heart. Rather than let it burn
For earth, O quench its heat; And when it would to earth return,
let it cease to be
When I from thee would fly ;
And grant me then to die.
Sinking underneath my load,
Darkly feeling after thee;
Why, O why, am I forgot ?
Lord, I seek, but find thee not. . Still I ask, nor yet receive,
Knock at the unopend door; Still I struggle to believe, Hope, tho' ury'd to hope no more.
Bearing, what I cannot bear,
Yielding, fighting, with despair. Hear in mercy my complaint,
Hear, and hasten to my aid ;.
Still, I at thy footstool keep,
Pray and hope, despair and weep. Struggling in temptation's snare,
Lo! I ever look to thee; Tempted more than I can bear? No, my soul, it cannot be :
True and faithful is his word,
And thy sure support, the Lord. Come then, O my Saviour, come,
God of truth, no longer stay, God of love, dispel the gloom, Point me out the promis'd way:
Let me from the trial fly,
Sink into thine arms, and die. Waft me to that happy shore,
Port of ease, and end of care ;.' All my storms shall there be o'er, Grief shall never reach me there;
Surely of my God possest,
Safe in my Redeemer's breast.
Of that'eternal day;
And mount, and soar away:
Darting thro' this lower sphere,
Quick as a seraphic flame:
Of Moses and the Lamb.
By heav'nly pity drest ;
At the celestial feast :
I shall there my partner see ;
The soul that twin'd with me.
And see our Saviour's face:
In ecstacy of praise.
Like the head, the members shine;
The glorious stamp divine.
We dwell in bliss supreme;
And taste the crystal stream;
Father, Son, and Spirit know;
And shall for ever flow.
The heirs of glorious grace;
And still behold thy face.
Which thy true widows share;
A life of faith and prayer.
'Till all my course be run.
Within thine arms I am ;
Of my triumphant Lamb.
I feel the answer given ;
To meet my Lord in heaven.
St. Johns, Antigua, 1775. MY DEAR MRS. Gmo,
THE long and steady friendship which has subsisted between us, in sickness and in health, in prosperity and adversity, ever the same without change or diminution, leaves me no room to doubt, that it will extend to my little family, and that you will be as ready, to the utmost of your power, to befriend them, as you have been the dear father already gone, and your friend, who is, perhaps, about to follow.
If it should please God to take me away in my approaching confinement, I leave you and Capt. G. full power to do with and dispose of every thing in this house, and belonging to me in this Island, as you shall think most for the advantage of my little family. You know my extreme tenderness for their dear father made me unable to part with any of his clothes, but these can be of no consequence to me when I shall again have joined him for whose sake I kept them ; you may therefore dispose of them, and also of my own, if you
think what they will fetch will be of more service to the children. But I do not choose to leave any particular directions about my trifling effects ; you will consult with other friends ; and I know, I am certain, you will act for them to the best of your judgment. It is a great relief to
mind that I have such steady and tried friends to leave the charge of them upon. Miss G- B. has promised to take J.-, and it is my desire that the others, and the infant yet unborn, if it survive, be sent to my father, where I will leave them to be disposed of, and provided for by that God who has fed me all my life ; by their heavenly Father, who has commanded me to leave my fatherless children upon him, that he will preserve them alive, and whose promise I have, that he will never leave them nor forsake them.
Mr. Reid will not be less kind to the offspring of his friend, when they have lost, than when they were under a mother's protection. May the blessing of the widow and the fatherless follow him wherever he goes, and may God recompense him a thousand fold in blessings spiritual and temporal. Let Diana* be sent with my children ; if there be an infant, you know a nurse must be found for it, whatever it cost. As for Susan,* I am at a loss what to do with her, my heart tells me I have no right to entail slavery upon her and her offspring; I know I shall be blamed, but I am about to be called to account by a higher power than any in this world, for my conduct, and I dare not allow her to be sold. I therefore leave it to herself either to remain here, or if it be her desire, to accompany the children. I beg Mr. Reid will be kind enough to allow her a pas: sage with the rest.
And now, my dear friend, as the greatest happiness I can wish you, may that God whom I have chosen as my own portion, be yours also.; may he by his outward providence and by the inward operations of his Spirit on your heart lead you to himself and convince you of the truth. But 0! my dear friend, shut not your eyes and ears against conviction : you are not satisfied that the Bible is indeed the word of God. Is it not worth inquiring into ? What would you think of a man who had a large fortune, and the whole depending on proving some cert uin facts, and yet would not be at the pains to inform himself? Are the interests of this world of such importance, which, in a few fleeting years we must leave, and have for ever done with ? and our final state in the next, which is to fix us in happiness or misery through the endless days of eternity, not worth a thought! Think then, and seriously ask what if it be so ? What if this be indeed the word of God given by inspiration as is said, for the rule of both our faith and manners, and by that we are to be judged ; that this same God, who so kindly reveals his will to men, has with it
* The two Indian girls mentioned in the life of Mrs. Graham.