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"Well, remember to keep the traps all well baited—and fan their jealousy of Albinia in Ethiopia; they must not escape from Phoenicia with simple loss of prestige, as they did from Ethiopia,-keep an eye on the Latinians, and prevent them precipitating matters in Carthagia. See that the Portugalians don't put forward any obstacles which may prevent Brava-Bravissima taking as much Gallinian money and as many Gallinian men as far into the centre of the Dark Continent as he wants to. Tell Queen Tolderolrivo's ambassadors that Malagasia need expect no help from Teutonia, but that she will have our warmest sympathies in her endeavours to repel foreign aggression. Inform his Celestial Majesty of Cathay that Teutonia has large commercial interests at stake in that country, and that he must abstain from any attempt to defend Ding Dong; in fact, my dear Felthat, give Pêle Mêle Latour rope in every direction-make things easy for him. He is so infernally suspicious, and attributes every obstacle he meets with to me, whereas I am doing all I can to smooth the way for the Gallinians into the most remote recesses of the earth's surface, and into every possible difficulty. Tell our consul in Phoenicia to support Gallinian pretensions, and to take an interest in any religious dispute that may crop

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course, especially between that branch of Christianity patronised by Muscovia and the rival branch patronised by Gallinia. If we failed to produce a collision between Gallinia and Albinia in Ethiopia, let us at least endeavour to bring about a clash of interests between Gallinia and Muscovia, which may lead to their cutting each other's throats in Phoenicia.”

"The Holy Sepulchre has always been a very popular bone of contention among Christians," replied Felthat; "and if Muscovite aggressions in that direction could exasperate infidel Gallinia into a guerre de la religion, there would be a charming inconsistency in her substituting it for a guerre de revanche."

"To say nothing of the comfort it would be to see our two chief enemies fighting each other on Christian grounds, instead of uniting to attack us. They are the more likely to do this, now that they have become demoralised by the triple alliance. Donnerwetter! what a bad temper that has put them both into ! The Holy Sepulchre is not a bad idea, Felthat; it is a nice out-of-the-way place, where they can give vent to their evil passions and hurt no one but themselves and the Saracens, like the Crusaders of old."

"I suppose I must keep on giving the Mogul good advice," said Felthat.

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Oh, certainly," replied his Highness, "especially as he never takes it, and it costs nothing. You may advise everybody-advise Albinia to insist upon reforms in Vaninia; advise the Mogul to beware how he listens to her insidious counsels; advise Muscovia to prepare for the annexation of that province, which we shall not object to; advise Gallinia to insist upon her sentimental rights, hal

lowed by centuries of tradition in Phoenicia, in fact, advise everybody who either is or wants to be a Middlesea Power, to go in for their own interests without fear of interference from us; and let us thank the Lord that we are not, and never desire to be, a Middlesea Power ourselves;" and as the Prince at this moment called to his dog, I took it as an indication that the conversation was at an end, and transferred my attentions to that ancient river of Ethiopia, on the banks of which I found Toothpik sitting in his palace and smoking a nargileh. Near him was an elderly man similarly engaged, and the silence was only broken by the soothing sound of the bubbling of the smoke as it passed through the water. At last the latter, withdrawing slowly the mouthpiece from his lips, after a long inspiration, said

"Now that Lord Nodufferwhom may Allah confound! for he was a riddle I never could read -has left us,-praise be to His name that it is so,—what does your Highness intend to do with these ?" and he pointed with his mouthpiece to a large bundle of papers on the divan.

Toothpik cast upon them a glance of mingled disgust and apprehension, then turning away with a perceptible shudder, smoked more noisily than ever, but vouchsafed no response.

"Because, your Highness," the speaker went on, "we can't have these things lying here for ever. Here's army reform, and judicial reform, and administrative reform, and the legislative council, and provincial councils, and General Assembly, and all the other inventions which are awaiting your Highness's signature; how they could ever have entered into the brain of man to conceive passes my com

prehension, and much more how they are ever to be applied. But for months past, in fact all the time that this Albinian Lord was here, I was as a man without a mind. I got so confused trying to find out whether I was governing the country, or whether your Highness was governing it, or whether he was governing it, or whether we were all three governing it, that I constantly became giddy over the perplexing problem that was presented to me, until, now that the dreadful nightmare of his presence is removed, I feel that my intellect has become permanently weakened, and that it will be necessary for your High

ness to intrust to some more capable servant the task which has been bequeathed to us."

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Stay-let us take counsel together first," said Toothpik. "I shall be sorry to lose you, but there are plenty of others anxious to get your place. Suppose I refuse to sign, or to attempt to apply these new-fangled devices, what then?"

"Then," said the other, "the Albinian Government might say, 'If you decline our new-fangled devices, we will leave you to your own,' and withdraw their army; and if they did so, every foreigner would leave the country; and I would respectfully ask your Highness, under these circumstances, how many hours' purchase would your throne be worth?"

"They would not dare to evacuate the country; moreover, it would be against the interests of Albinia to do so."

"Mr Sadstone would dare anything in the way of scuttling out of a country; besides, his views as to what the interests of Albinia may be are peculiar, and do not correspond to those of your Highness."

"Suppose I do sign them, what then?" asked Toothpik.

"You won't get anybody to undertake the task of applying them. How are you going to govern a country without officials? and how are you going to get officials to co-operate in a scheme for depriving themselves of all their perquisites? What Minister will you find to run atilt against what these Albinians ignorantly call 'administrative abuse and corruption'?"

"Suppose I sign them, and pretend to apply them and don't?" said Toothpik.

"There is a good deal to be said for that course-indeed, in my opinion, it is the only course open to your Highness; but under these circumstances, as I said before, I must respectfully decline to be the instrument of this policy."

"What are you too moral?" asked his Highness.

"No. If the truth must be told, I am too frightened. The Earl of Noduffer might come back; and notwithstanding the honey on his lips, I should prefer not to be in office in such an event."

"We should have the support of the Mogul, of Gallinia, of all the enemies, in fact, of Albinia, in proving all these inventions to be utterly inapplicable to the country."

"As I said before, what do you gain by it?" replied the Minister. "Either the Albinian army stays, in which case you only protract the agony, and will be compelled to apply these so-called reforms in the end; or it goes, in which case your Highness would have to go too. The fact is, we have all been caught in a trap, and I see no way out of it. We must just sit down patiently, and trust in Allah. I now understand the swelled appearance of Lord Noduffer's face when I took leave of him."

"What! had he got toothache?" asked his Highness.

"No; but I think he had his tongue in his cheek. He is like still water that runs so deep. His smoothness and his depth are dreadful.

Even now, at the recollection of some of our interviews, my head begins to swim and I feel unwell; so I beg your Highness to let me take my leave."

Then I turned my instrument on the kiosks and palaces of the city of the Golden Crescent; for I was anxious to learn how much the Mogul knew of the dangers which were threatening his empire, and of the evil dispositions towards him of those who are by a political euphemism called "the friendly Powers."

He was talking to a little man, who was sitting in an attitude of profound humility so near the edge of his chair, that I feared he might slide off it altogether; and I guessed he must be the great Wuzeer who has so many times proved himself more than a match in diplomatic fence for the friendly Powers, and whose skill as an oriental political gymnast is of a very high order. He was at the moment cowering beneath a storm of reproaches which were being hurled at his head for mistakes which had been made in that unlucky Ethiopian business when he was not in office, and for which he was in no way responsible; but he bent to it meekly, never excusing himself, or so much as even alluding to the fact that the greatest mistake of all was made contrary to his advice.

"And now," pursued his Majesty, "Lord Noduffer actually wants me to believe that these so-called reforms which he has introduced into Ethiopia, and the presence of an Albinian army there indefinitely, does not in any

way affect my sovereign rights over that country. I don't know what his arguments were, for I was so angry I could not listen to them, especially as I was trying to smile as amiably all the time as he was. By Allah! how that man gets on my nerves, especially since his visit to Ethiopia! Have you assured Toothpik of our imperial favour just in the degree in which he refuses to adopt any of these so-called institutions, or introduce any of these so-called reforms?"

"I have, your Majesty; and he is much encouraged by the signal honour which your Majesty has already conferred upon him. I am not without hope of discovering many ways by which the position of Albinia in Ethiopia may be rendered disagreeable; and in the meantime, I have again called the attention of the friendly Powers, and especially of Muscovia and Gallinia, to the protocole de désintéressement.”

"You heard me make Lord Noduffer the usual promises in regard to reform in Vaninia," said his Majesty, changing the subject. "You will of course see that they are carried out in the usual way.”

"I have already applied to his Excellency for a copy of the Erinian Coercion Bill," replied the Wuzeer, without raising his eyes, and giving himself a little hitch back in his chair, "and for any other repressive Acts of a similar character which have been found useful by the Albinian Government in the magnificent scheme of reform which it is now applying to Erinia, and I have promised to imitate as closely as possible the course which has been pursued in restoring peace, happiness, and tranquillity to that interesting country, and he has promised to send them to me as soon as he reaches Albinia.”

"Have you heard from Worser Pasha since his arrival in Phoenicia ?"

"Not yet, your Majesty; but I have, as your Majesty is aware, a better source of information in regard to the intrigues of Gallinia in that province than even he is ever likely to be;" and a look of inexpressible cunning flitted over the impassive countenance of the little man.

"You managed to finesse that appointment very well," said the Mogul; "I don't think the Gallinians will take much by it. Verily, when I think of the presumption of Albinia, with Erinia on her hands, denouncing the state of Vaninia to me and Gallinia, which parades her infidelities at home, using religion as a cloak under cover of which she may stir up my subjects to revolt—I am at a loss to decide which country is the most glaringly hypocritical."

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"It is the vice of Christian nations," assented the Wuzeer; "your Majesty will remember that it was in the interests of religion that several millions of your Majesty's subjects were exterminated by war, disease, and starvation, when Muscovia invaded your empire as the champion of the Cross. Allah has provided dynamite in all these countries as a punishment for their hypocrisy," he added timidly, and bowed his head.

There was a pause, and the Mogul regarded the Wuzeer with great tenderness, for the suggestion was pleasing to him.

"Inshallah," he said at length, you are a pious man with a ready wit; I see now that the faithful have nought to fear from these infernal contrivances which Allah reserves for the infidels who attack them. What news have you of the viper Ethiop whom the Albinians are nursing in their

bosom at Taprobane? how prosper his intrigues in the Holy City of the Prophet?"

The conversation now became of a most confidential character, relating to plots and conspiracies which I was afraid even to confide to my telephone, but which convinced me that the faithful may run other risks than those arising from dynamite; perhaps they also have special sins for which a special punishment is provided: and while I was thus moralising, I was irresistibly reminded of Mr Sadstone, and here again I found my self compelled to overhear a conversation which it would be a breach of propriety to report. It was a few moments before I could catch the meaning of the inarticulate murmur which came through the instrument; but when I did, I was riveted by the interest of what I heard. An argument was in progress between the speaker and what seemed to be his conscience, in regard to a question of morals. Of course I could not make out what his conscience said, but Mr Sadstone's replies I heard at last with great distinctness; and I must say, so far as clearness and logic were concerned, he had much the best of it. In fact, so convincing were the reasons he ad duced in support of his view of the matter, that his inward opponent seemed to withdraw discomfited from the discussion; but this may only have been in consequence of the entry of Mr Clamberalong, who wanted to know, after all that had been said upon the subject, how he was to justify in his next speech to his constituents a military occupation of Ethiopia which bade fair to be indefinite.

"I should recommend you," said Mr Sadstone, "to remove the question altogether from the sphere of politics, and elevate it into the

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region of abstract morality. are not in Ethiopia because the interests of Albinia or the maintenance of her prestige require it. For, as I have repeatedly said in public, the interests of Albinia are never served by wars of aggression, while the maintenance of her prestige is a delusion and a snare, for which neither blood nor treasure should be expended; but there are occasions when a great moral duty towards other nations is imposed upon us, when we may become the custodians of public order, the instruments of a divine necessity. We are now in Ethiopia, not for our own selfish ends, but in the interest of the Ethiopians, as Lord Noduffer has so ably explained in his despatch; and so long as that interesting race, the oppressed Fellahin, require the presence of Albinian troops in the country, we are bound by the highest instincts of humanity to remain there. Νο constituency is more ready to respond to an appeal involving sacrifices in behalf of their fellowcreatures of whatever nationality

always, of course, excepting Seljukians-than is yours, my dear Clamberalong. That is a chord which is certain always to vibrate among the ignorant masses either to your eloquence or mine. You should always explain that no promises which may have been made, or assurances which may have been given, prior to our discovery of the fact that we had become the instruments of a great divine necessity, are of any value."

"I am quite aware of that," replied Mr Clamberalong. "You remember how ably I justified the abandonment of our convention, and of the Hottentotian tribes of South Africa, upon this ground, in my late speech in the House?"

"I can't say I do remember

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