THE MODERN PATRIOT. REBELLION is my theme all day; (As who knows but perhaps it may?) Yon roaring boys, who rave and fight When lawless mobs insult the court, But O! for him my fancy culls Who constitutionally pulls Your house about your ears. Such civil broils are my delight, Though some folks can't endure them, Who say the mob are mad outright, A rope! I wish we Patriots had Such strings for all who need themWhat! hang a man for going mad? Then farewell British freedom. REPORT OF AN ADJUDGED CASE NOT TO BE FOUND IN ANY OF THE BOOKS. BETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose, The spectacles set them unhappily wrong; The point in dispute was, as all the world knows, To which the said spectacles ought to belong. So Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause With a great deal of skill, and a wig full of learning; While chief Baron Ear sat to balance the laws, So famed for his talent in nicely discerning. In behalf of the Nose it will quickly appear, And your lordship, he said, will undoubtedly find That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear, Which amounts to possession time out of mind. Then, holding the spectacles up to the courtYour lordship observes they are made with a straddle As wide as the ridge of the nose is; in short, Design'd to sit close to it, just like a saddle. Again, would your lordship a moment suppose ('Tis a case that has happen'd, and may be again) That the visage or countenance had not a Nose, Pray who would, or who could, wear spectacles then? VOL. II. X 234 THE JUDGMENT OF THE POETS. On the whole it appears, and my argument shows, With a reasoning the court will never condemn, That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose, And the Nose was as plainly intended for them. Then shifting his side (as a lawyer knows how), He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes: But what were his arguments few people know, For the court did not think they were equally wise. So his lordship decreed with a grave, solemn tone, Decisive and clear, without one if or but— That, whenever the Nose put his spectacles on, By daylight or candlelight-Eyes should be shut! THE JUDGMENT OF THE POETS. 1791. Two nymphs, both nearly of an age, The worth of each had been complete, But one, although her smile was sweet, And in her humour, when she frown'd, THE JUDGMENT OF THE POETS. 235 The other was of gentler cast, From all such frenzy clear, Her frowns were seldom known to last, To poets of renown in song The nymphs referr'd the cause, Who, strange to tell, all judged it wrong, They gentle call'd, and kind, and soft And though she changed her mood so oft, No judges, sure, were e'er so mad, In short, the charms her sister had Then thus the god whom fondly they Was heard, one genial summer's day, 'Since thus ye have combined (he said), The minx shall, for your folly's sake, Shall make your scribbling fingers ache, ON A MISCHIEVOUS BULL, WHICH THE OWNER OF HIM SOLD AT THE AUTHOR'S Go-thou art all unfit to share The squirrel here his hoard provides, And woodpeckers explore the sides, The sheep here smooths the knotted thorn And here I wander eve and morn, Ah-I could pity thee exiled But thou canst taste no calm delight; Thy magnanimity in fight, I care not whether east or north, Muse thus sings thee forth, |